The Jerk Store Calls For A Houstonian
Today's featured guest: A Houstonian.
A once-Jewish Houstonian who's now a "born-again Wiccan." One who wants to marry his first cousin. Via a rabbi who's not going to ask a lot of questions or put up too much of a fuss. On the other hand, the guy does make clear his intentions to at least clean his pool a bit before using it as a mikvah, where Jews do their version of the Baptist dunk.
His ad on Craigslist is headlined "Wanted: An Open-Minded Rabbi," and the negotiations go downhill from there:
Wanted: Open minded rabbi to marry me to my first cousin. Must be willing to stand nipples deep in a makeshift mikvah. I have an above ground pool but don't worry I'm going to get it cleaned before the ceremony. I'd like to make it a one stop shop so if you could do that for me I'll make it worth your while. (wine) We're born again wicken naturalists but I was raised jewish and I know my grandmother would appreciate it if she were still alive. You just have to understand my values and be willing to arrive naked (seriously, I don't want to see any clothes).Yeah -- get outta here with your Jew-stuff!! A prayer shawl, tops!!
PS. Tallis is ok but THAT'S IT!!!!!!!
And you'll get wine, that's it, and be happy with it!!
We guess that's just how born-again Wiccans engaged to their first cousins who want to appease their late grandmothers roll. Although we're not sure this would be exactly the wedding Bubbe was dreaming about.