Boycott Houston, Because We Are So Depraved

Categories: Spaced City
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Photo by Daniel Kramer
If you think the folks in Haiti are having a rough time, just wait until Houstonians feel the economic effects of Pastor David Grisham's boycott against our city of sin. Launched just a few days ago, www.boycotthouston.com is Grisham's way of giving righteous Texans a chance to send a message to Houstonians that they have sinned by electing an openly gay mayor and by allowing a super-sized abortion clinic to be built here.

"The main reason for the boycott is simply because it's about the only way that people in the rest of the state of Texas -- outside of Houston -- can actually take a stand for righteousness in the city of Houston," Grisham tells Hair Balls. "Now, Jesus said that we were to preach the gospel through all the world, and that includes Houston, Texas."

This isn't Grisham's first anti-gay rodeo; he's also behind www.repentamarillo.com, which also deals with the sin of gay people being all gay and doing really gay things. His group, a chapter of RAVEN Ministries International, also protested that city's swingers' club. (No, it wasn't a gay swingers club, but swinging is apparently a sin, even if it's the old-fashioned hetero kind. But they also preached during a gay pride event on a park....basically, wherever there are a bunch of gay dudes, you're likely to find Grisham and his followers, which is in no way suggestive of anything at all).

"This is not about the Mayor personally," Grisham says, no doubt bringing some relief to Annise Parker. "It's not about personality, it's about principle. The election of an [openly] homosexual person to a major public office brings with it a radical homosexual agenda. That in and of itself makes a statement."

Grisham describes his ministry as "pro-life," meaning they're obviously against abortion, but also of any other sin: "We also stand against homosexuality because sin spiritually murders those who participate in it....We want the Mayor to get saved and come to Jesus Christ...." (Of course, as a gay, Parker wouldn't be interested in Christ, because he's not a chick).

So what can we do to free ourselves from this oncoming financial devastation? Simple: we can't let that massive Planned Parenthood abortion clearinghouse be built, and we can't re-elect Parker. Just keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't balance our budget, bring in more business, and hire a competent police chief -- because then she might win a very dangerous second term. God forbid.

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