Army Officer Soldier Shouldn't Have Taken Those Iraq Bribes, But Dammit, She Needed The Plastic Surgery

Categories: Courts, Crime
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The Department of Justice announced today that Theresa Russell, a former staff sergeant, pleaded guilty money laundering while stationed in Iraq. It wasn't all that much of a surprise, since two years ago the guy who gave her the bribes pleaded guilty to doing so.

Russell, 40, was at Camp Anaconda in Iraq while she took more than $30,000 in cash from a former Army major now working for a contractor. He told her to make small deposits in banks so the cash couldn't be traced.

"Russell admitted that she knew the money she received from Rivard was the proceeds of bribery," the DOJ announcement said.

Russell didn't deposit all the cash: She "admitted that she subsequently used the criminal proceeds to purchase, among other things, a car, cosmetic surgery, and household furnishings and goods," the statement said.

GLARING HOLE IN STORY, PEOPLE: What kind of cosmetic surgery? Using bribe money for some botox is not half as interesting as a boob job, legal experts agree.

We asked the DOJ for clarification.

Unfortunately, the court documents the spokesperson had on hand in DC did not offer any details. But she promised to contact prosecutors and ask, and we'll update when we hear.

Unless it's some mole-removal, and then we won't give a shit.

Update: The DOJ's Laura Sweeney has sent us the court document that consists of the official "Information" regarding the plea, and it is sadly silent on the details of the cosmetic surgery.


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