Glee: Rachel Goes Sad Clown Hooker

There were some great, brutally honest moments in last night's Glee, "Hairography," but it also felt like padding for the main event. We finally got to see the other two schools that the McKinley High glee club will compete against at sectionals, though they were first referenced weeks ago. Plus come on, I get it: Jane Lynch is great at playing Jane Lynch types, with the track suits and the jokes, but her character has been all over the map this season. First Sue's mean, then she's conciliatory; first she's crazy, then she's less crazy; first she's intolerant, then she has a mentally handicapped sister. DUDE. I get that you wanna do different stuff with her, but find a through-line.

Anyway: The main plot was about Will prepping the kids to face off against a school for what my parents call delinquents and another school for the deaf. But it turns out that Sue, bored again and looking for a way to torpedo glee club, has been leaking Will's set lists to his competition. Will then visits the school for troubled kids, and you know it's bad because everything's gray and there's hip-hopish music on the soundtrack. Stereotyping! Writer Ian Brennan does have some fun with the names, though, anointing one of the students "Aphasia." Plus for some reason Eve is the principal. I have never seen a principal who looks like Eve. Will feels bad for her school's dire straits and offers her the use of McKinley's auditorium, which leads to the criminal girls performing "Bootylicious" and knocking the wind out of the glee kids.

I'd like to also just remind you that this whole choir with a shit-ton of backup singers and full band is not remotely real. I mean, it's Glee, with lighting and auto-tuning and very attractive people, so it doesn't really occupy a recognizable plane of existence, but still, the full band thing is getting insane.

The drama this week was all about girls finding distractions for their boys so they could get some peace and focus on their own stuff. I know this because they all said so in their voice-overs. Terri gets Will an old car to fix up and keeps faking her pregnancy. I get that she's sometimes not a dick to him, but it's really hard to like such a cold character.

Meanwhile, Quinn sends Finn running off to Rachel so she can take Puck for a parenting/boyfriend "test drive." This whole plot was actually pretty tight, as everyone involved in this weird love quadrangle bounced off each other and slid from joy to heartache. Quinn enlists Kurt to give Rachel a makeover, but when he finds out she likes Finn, he screws her over and sluts her up, knowing that Finn likes more natural-looking girls, hoping that this will somehow send Finn running to Kurt. Kurt is definitely the long shot here, but way to dream big. Plus Rachel was already cute. I mean, her makeover definitely stopped me cold like it did Finn, but also like Finn, I prefer new-to-school Sandy to greaser-slut Sandy.

But of course, in the end, Rachel and Kurt were still out in the cold when Puck turned out to still be an unrepentant horndog and Quinn went back to Finn. (She asked, "Can we be in love again?" Because that's how it works!) She even had the nerve to be shocked that he'd briefly hung out with Rachel while she was test driving Puck, but maybe that's just because her character's 17 and under no obligation to be logically consistent.

Will tried to take the glee club more "showbiz" with "hairography," which replaces dancing with a lot of jumping and head-shaking, and I'd really hoped it would tie into his earlier voiced concerns about Sue's own motives. But he wasn't setting up a double-cross; he actually thought it was a good idea until he was persuaded to ditch it when the deaf school's choir performed and won him over with their simplicity. They signed and sang "Imagine," which was just crushingly sad and kind of awkward, as well as weirdly at odds with the broad, wocka-wocka-wocka shtick with Will talking to the deaf choir's director and having to repeat everything extra loud. DO YOU GET IT.

So Will went back to basics, Sue wound up leaking stuff to the other schools anyway, and all the kids got their hearts broken again. Good enough, but bring on the showdown.

Line of the night: Finn, trying to tell Rachel he's uncomfortable with her extreme makeover: "I'm gonna say this as nice as I can: You look like a sad clown hooker."


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