The Top 20 Freaks You'll Meet at Ren Fest

Categories: Texas, Whatever

We went to the Texas Renaissance Festival in Plantersville this weekend to attend our cousin's wedding, and wouldn't you know we brought a camera along to document through our drunkenly narrow and judging eyes all the WTF-ery walking amongst the trees. Secretly we wish we could also don a pair of tights and play the lute whilst sitting against a turkey-leg stand, because -- sweet Lord -- those chicks west of Conroe love shoving their boobies skyward. Sadly we have gone full-nerd for much less.

Below are the top 20 freaks you'll meet at Ren Fest, in handy picture form.

Photos by Craig Hlavaty
The last time we saw someone blowing glass this well, we...OK, we tried to come up with a pun about someone fellating composer Phillip Glass but we sort of gassed out. So just imagine someone blowing him in a bathroom stall or something.

Every man's nightmare is some burly long-haired guy who shaves his entire body getting his picture taken with their girlfriend. The trick is to also be a burly long-haired guy who shaves his entire body so no one will make you jealous.

Nerd Talk.jpg
"So, yeah. Um. What do us nerds talk about while this guy takes a pic of us? That kid's family that said he was in that balloon are some batshit loonballs. Is this guy done snapping this thing? He looks like he's going to say some cruel shit about us, you can just tell."

Peter Frampton.jpg
The "Show Me the Way" rocker took time out of his busy touring schedule in 1976 to get in a time machine and greet people as they walked up to the ticket office at the Ren Fest. He's really excited about the new material he is working on. He hopes that it is twice as successful as the new Frampton Comes Alive release.

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They're having fun, not hurting anyone, and employing their creative skills.  What's the problem?


A useless five page article basically trashing people having fun.  Not only are you a horrible writer, but you're a bit of an asshole as well. 

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