For St. Patrick's Day: The Five Least Convincing Irishmen In Movies

Categories: Movies
St. Patrick's Day is more than just an opportunity for amateur drunks to get in fights after drinking since noon, it's also when all of us claim (usually bogus) Irish heritage. I can personally trace my Irish ancestry back to the 17th century. Of course, they were Ulster Huguenots and probably not very beloved of the Blarney-kissing Papists so popularized during March 17th. So in honor of fake and unpopular Irish everywhere, here are some of the worst depictions of Irish characters in cinema:

5. Tom Cruise -- Far and Away (1992) Few of those who saw this (and those numbers were few enough) realize what a masterful advertisement for the Church of Scientology it was. Just watch as innocent young Shannon discovers what an Operating Thetan Level VIII looks like up close.


4. Leonardo DiCaprio -- Gangs of New York (2002) "Welcome to America!" Leo's actually a good actor, but has never mastered the fine art of not sounding like an American trying to sound like a foreigner (see also Titanic).



3. Richard Gere -- The Jackal (1997) This may be one of those rare occasions when a Razzie nomination (for Autumn in New York) was actually something of a relief. Luckily, for posterity's sake, we'll always have internet evidence of this noisome performance.



2. Chris O'Donnell -- Circle of Friends (1995) Come on, the dude has an Irish name. You wouldn't think it'd be all that hard to tap into his ancestral Gaelic-ness and not sound like the Lucky the Leprechaun. Fortunately for O'Donnell, director Joel Schumacher would discover a better outlet for O'Donnell's "talents:" namely, nippled Batsuits.



1. Orson Welles -- The Lady from Shanghai (1947) He made what is arguably the greatest movie of all time, yet not even a platinum blonde Rita Hayworth can distract us from the Gallo spokesman's utterly horrific Irish accent.



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