10 Ways To Solve the Impending Astros Attendance Crisis

Categories: Sports

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Photo by Peter Rieke

There's a new study out there claiming that there is going to be a big drop in attendance for major league baseball this season. And as we've seen from another such report, our own Houston Astros are expected to have one of the major's biggest attendance drops.

So Drayton McLane and his crack marketing department have been studying this issue. But instead of dropping concession prices like the Cincinnati Reds or the New York Mets, we here at Ballz have discovered what Drayton's brain trust has come up with for solving the Astros' problems.

10. It is Craig Biggio Night, every night.

9. First 20,000 fans get free B-12 shots from Miguel Tejada.

8. Discount tickets to any cop who beat up on Brandon Backe - that should be most of the Galveston Police Department.

7. You too can drive the choo-choo train.

6. Let's let some real fans throw out the first pitch, you know, like those suckers up in the upper deck.

5. Replace the Doddering Old Fool in the Astros Radio Booth Night. You too can also miscall the pitch, ball-strike count, number of outs, and drool over the female guests in the radio booth.

4. Discount season tickets for the doctors of the starting rotation - that should guarantee at least an attendance of 20,000 people a night.

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Photo by Jaap Steinvoorte
Congratulations, #30,015!

3. How would you like to play third base? Well, if you're the 30,015th fan through the turnstiles at the game against the Pittsburgh Pirates, then you get to start at third base that night.

2. SI Swimsuit models as ball girls.

1. It is Jim Deshaies's Dad Night. If you're a guy, you too get to hit on Fox Sports Houston reporter Patti Smith. (Editor's Note: No, not that Patti Smith.)


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