10 Ways To Tell Your Teachers & Staff Are Getting High
The onslaught of dope arrests is a PR nightmare for the district, which is dispatching its drug-sniffing dog to campuses as fast as it can.
But there are other ways to tell that the teachers or administrators at a school are partaking in the devil's weed.
In the interest of public service, here are 10 things to watch out for:
1. The teacher's lounge has been moved to "out in the parking lot, dude."
2. Nurse's office reports chronic (Ha!) shortage of Visine.
3. 7th-grade AP History focuses to a surprising degree on George Washington's use of hemp.
4. Teachers desperately encourage kids to focus science projects on "How Best To Fool Drug-Sniffing Dogs."
5. Extra credit in creative-writing classes is given for character letters to be used in teacher's sentencing.
6. No one parks anywhere near that one teacher with a Ron Paul bumper sticker.
7. The cars of teachers suddenly seem very, very clean. As if they've been detailed inside, or something.
8. Smart-ass kids are blowing smoke into their most pain-in-the-ass teacher's car. Luckily for the teacher, the follow-up of calling the tip-line proves to be too complicated.
9. HISD administrators are wracking their brains trying to come up with a catchy motto for the soon-to-be-introduced anti-drug offensive. "Get High On TAKS Scores, Not Maryjane!" is the current leader.
10. Teachers have gone on a "health kick" and parked their cars a few blocks from school. "The extra walking does wonders!" they say, red-eyed.
-- Richard Connelly