Here's How To Get Texas Lottery Sales Humming Again

Categories: Spaced City
State officials say that Texas Lottery sales are slumping because the games are "boring."

We couldn't agree more.

If you possess the kind of sharp, brilliant, mathematically sophisticated mind that says "I'm buyin' lottery tickets!!", then you will quickly grow bored with the same-old, same-old.

No one wants to see the lottery lose sales, except maybe the people in convenience-store lines waiting not-so-patiently while some loser spends ten minutes figuring out which games he wants to toss away his money on.

So we have our own ideas for new lottery games that are guaran-damn-teed to sell like hotcakes:

5. Just in time for the Red River Shootout, it's the joy of college football.


4. Here's an Ike-related one.


3. And here's another Ike-related one.


2. Celebrities sell, so this one should be gold.


1. There has to be something good to come out of this Texans' season.


-- Richard Connelly

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