So Angelina Jolie Had Her Babies

Categories: Pop Rocks
So, gals and guys, pull up a chair and let’s dish. Cuz Angie had her babies.

This past weekend, she popped out a matched set, Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon (well la di da) to go with the bevy of Benetton babies she shares with Brad Pitt. The kiddos were born in France, of course. I guess Sub-Saharan Africa was unavailable.

Oh, who am I kidding. I love Angelina Jolie. I can’t make fun of her. I want to. I really, really want to because she’s rich and talented and fucking gorgeous, but I can’t. Because she’s so fucking gorgeous, groovy, and socially responsible in this way that makes me feel so lame, even when I’m recycling and writing out tiny little checks to animal rescue organizations. So I can’t hate her.

Weirdly enough, in some informal polling I’ve done, I’ve found women – straight women – usually find Angelina Jolie more attractive than most straight men do.

“Oh, God, I’d go gay for her.”

“Yum….just….yum.”

“Oh wow, she is gorgeous.”

I wonder why straight men don’t find her so hot. Is she too gorgeous? Too intimidating? Too U.N. ambassador-y? Whatever. All I know is I’m hot for her and could take or leave Brad Pitt, who seems to be riding Angie’s coattails (like he’d even be rebuilding New Orleans if he was still married to Jennifer “Won’t Age Well” Aniston).

I think the other reason I can’t make fun of her is…I want to be part of the Jolie-Pitt clan! Seriously. Living in luxury in some castle in France, donating tons of money to good causes, being all multi-culti and starring in hit movies. Don’t deny it. It would be awesome, and you’re lying if say you wouldn’t enjoy it if only for a day.

So cheers, Angie, Knox, and Vivienne. Oh, and Brad. You’ve gone and made the world a little more beautiful. – Jennifer Mathieu


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