I Cannot Stop Watching the Trojan Vibrator Ad

Categories: Pop Rocks

Um, has anyone else seen the Trojan ad for that new purple vibrator you can wear on your fingertip? You have? You want to see it again?

I first saw the ad on late night cable, and I was initially stunned as I watched two bad actresses discuss Trojan’s new Vibrating Touch, a small massager that you can wear on the tip of your finger to massage your boyfriend’s bad back. (Just kidding.) Since then, I’ve watched the commercial about 30 times because it’s so bad it’s deliciously good.

The ad focuses on two brunettes (I guess because blondes get more action?) sitting in a hair salon discussing the new vibe. Listening in on their conversation is a dowdy-looking “older lady” (by Hollywood standards) playing the hair salon receptionist, and she shocks the younger gals by butting in on their conversation and informing them that the Vibrating Touch is available online! The girls collapse in a sea of giggles. Oh my God, an older woman masturbates? OH MY GOD isn’t that CRAZY? Please. Of course that old lady is masturbating. She works in a hair salon and has to listen to repressed brunettes yakking on all day about finger vibrators like they’re God’s gift. Her Vibrating Touch is probably her life’s only joy, so why not let her have it?

After viewing the ad for the bajillionith time, I hustled on over to the Vibrating Touch Web site to read some of the user tips. Apparently, Vibrating Touch is not waterproof (I’m envisioning some scary bathtub scenes here), and Trojan recommends a good cleaning after every use. Just like in life, a woman’s always gotta do the cleaning up. Unfortunately, the batteries that come with the Touch only last 30 minutes. That’s going to be a problem for some of the ladies out there. I’m sure it will be only a matter of time before Trojan develops a plug-in version.

I’m all for vibrators, and I’m all for cheesy late night cable ads, so for once I don’t have much to whine about. Except for one thing. Due to Texas law, the Vibrating Touch cannot be shipped to our fair state. Not sure why Austin has a problem with such devices, but I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of pissed off older lady receptionists at local hair salons pretty soon. – Jennifer Mathieu

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