You Too Can Play Catch the Illegal Immigrant

A few Sensitive Sallies at Texas Tech have voiced their outrage over a game of “Catch the Illegal Immigrant” organized by the school’s chapter of the Young Conservatives of Texas. Marshalling their collective powers of intelligence, entrepreunership and xenophobia, the kinderkonservatives made T-shirts that say “Illegal Immigrant” on the front and “Catch Me if You Can” on the back.

While this local paper vaguely describes the game as a variant of hide-and-seek, we actually checked the Official Catch the Illegal Immigrant Handbook and now provide the rules, so your school can join in on the fun!

1.) Put on the T-shirts (make sure “Illegal Immigrant” is on the front, or the point of the game will be lost on passers-by).

2.) Designate one person to be the aforementioned miscreant (ten bonus points if this person is, in fact, an illegal immigrant; five points if he’s at least brown).

3.) The other players then close their eyes and count to 20 – in English numbers.

4.) The II must use that time to find a day-labor job, or perhaps an under-the-table, sub-minimum-wage job at one of the other players’ dad’s factories.

5.) While the II scrambles around to find work, the other players must engage in one of the following: take in a Red Raiders game; hit a frat for a cool Bud and some hot date-rape; brush up on your white-collar crime; attend a gay wedding (just kidding); build a 20-foot-tall, 1,000-mile long barbed-wire fence and pay a bunch of last year’s dropouts to guard it.

6.) Once the II is located and “captured,” he or she must wear the Sombrero of Shame until the next II is found.

Now you know how to play, get out there and have some good ol’-fashioned fun! And make sure to try other popular versions of this game, including Catch The Big Douche! -- Craig Malisow



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