OMGNKOTB: The Return of the New Kids on the Block

Categories: Pop Rocks
Ohmigawd, ohmigawd, ohmigawd. Alert! Alert! Alert!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

The New Kids on the Block are getting back together.

Oh my God. Oh my GOD!!!!!

I am totally serious. For real. They are.

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could take you back to the evening of January 8, 1990. Miss Pop Rocks was just a 13-year-old girl then, with spotless white Keds on her feet and Bonne Bell Strawberry Lip Smackers smeared across her never-been-kissed lips. She had butterflies and rainbows in her belly and twinkly twee stars in her eyes. She was going to see NKOTB at the Capital Centre in Landover, Maryland, AND IT WAS GOING TO BE THE BEST NIGHT OF HER LIFE.

And it was.

When Donnie, Danny, Joey, Jordan, and Jon took to the stage, I clutched the hands of my BFF Lisa and we screamed until we could not scream anymore, and once we caught our breaths, we started screaming again. Oh My God OMG OMG OMG!!!! They were magnificent, delicious, perfect in their boyishness and beauty.

They were Gods.

I don’t care what any of you haters say, for me and millions of girls like me, the New Kids were the embodiment of sex, love, and rock `n’ roll before we knew what sex, love, and rock `n’ roll actually were. They were good boys and bad boys all at the same time. They were catchy, funny, slightly dangerous (in our minds), and truly fantastic dancers. (Admit it, you’ve tried to do that whole “Right Stuff” leg swing and ya can’t, can ya?!) They were the evolutionary link between the Osmonds and the Backstreet Boys, and they will forever in my mind mark the critical moment in my life when I stopped looking at boys as boys and started looking at boys as *!*!*BOYS*!*!*.

So get ready, America. Time to lace up our collective Keds and find the Bonne Bell. OMG THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – Jennifer Mathieu


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