Miss Pop Rocks: Lucy Noland…meow

Categories: Pop Rocks
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The other day I was slumped on the couch watching the tail end of Oprah claiming her truth or whatever the hell it is she does on that show, when during a commercial break, I almost fell off the couch. I reached for the phone to call my friend Tamarie. As if I was channeling my thoughts to her, the phone rang. It was Tamarie calling me!

“My God, did you see the promo for the Channel 11 news?” she exclaimed. “Is the new anchor wearing a spandex top with a little peek-a-boo hole cut out at the top?”

I shrieked back in delight, glad that I wasn’t the only one in shock over this sexier-than-average broadcaster. “Oh my God, that’s why I was just about to call you! What is up with that top? And where the hell is Lisa Foronda?”

Foronda is gone, baby, gone. And in her place is the very juicy Lucy Noland, straight outta NYC and apparently on a mission to tart up Houston’s local evening news. With a flash of leopard print here and a snug-fitting blouse there, Lucy seems determined to garner a large percentage of the viewing audience. Dominique Sachse, are you listening? Girl better step it up.

Right out of the gate I’m going to say, I like Lucy. She delivers the news in those required dulcet tones and seems relaxed and at ease with herself even though she is working closely with Our Most Honored and Fearless Weather God Dr. Neil Frank.

But I’m torn. As a feminist, I feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea that women think they need to dress sexy even if they’re in a serious role. Haven’t we fought for too long to be reduced to sex objects? Then again, as a feminist, I also think women should have the choice to wear whatever they damn well please. (Ah, feminism…providing clear-cut answers to women’s problems since 1971.)

I think what’s truly bothering me is not necessarily the outfits themselves, but the fact that they simply seem out of place when compared to what the rest of the news team is wearing. I mean, if Lucy’s going to be sporting a low-cut top, can’t we get Greg Hurst into a nice polo shirt with an open collar? Is there any reason to hide his bushel under a basket? And how about getting the yummy Len Cannon to put a scarf around his neck, a la Peter Bogdanovich? Steps like these would make Lucy look a little more in sync with the Channel 11 news team.

They just have to be sure not to take it too far. Because the day they make sweet Shern-Min Chow put on a bustier is the day I’m flipping to a rerun of Law & Order. – Jennifer Mathieu

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