The Nuge, Special to HouStoned

As the nation reels over the Virginia Tech tragedy, as we look to our leaders for guidance and answers, one voice has remained conspicuously silent – until now. Today, for what might be the first time in history – but should not be the last – the words “By Ted Nugent, Special to CNN” appeared on CNN’s Web site.

Now listen up, because The Nuge is only going to say this once: The Nuge is fed up. The Nuge has had enough. He’s had enough of clamoring over “gun-free zones.” The Nuge is fed up with pantywaist liberals’ “feel good politics” that allows innocents to be wantonly gunned down. Listen to The Nuge: “…America had best wake up real fast that the brain-dead celebration of unarmed helplessness will get you killed every time, and I've about had enough of it.”

And if you think the Second Amendment is not being trampled on by closet commies in Congress and their counterparts in the liberal media, then listen to what The Nuge has to say: When Jeffrey Dahmer was caught with the meat in his mouth, did we call for a ban on silverware? No. In fact, you can walk into any dollar store, department store, or kitchen in America and walk out with a spoon and fork. But try buying a Glock at Walgreen’s, and you’ll be S.O.L. And that really chaps The Nuge’s hide. That really flabbergasts The Nuge. The Nuge doesn’t go anywhere without his gun or his bow-and-arrow, or his axe, so if some lone gunman crosses The Nuge’s path, The Nuge can set him right with a bullet or a few bars of “Stranglehold.” The Nuge can take care of himself. The Nuge is not worried about that. The Nuge is worried about us. The Nuge can’t be everywhere all the time to protect us. The Nuge has things to do. So write your congressman. Write the president. Let them know that The Nuge has spoken and you have listened. And you’ll be wang-dang-sweet-poontanged if you can’t take your gun wherever you go. The Nuge rests his case. – Craig Malisow


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