No, Thanks. We'll Take Cancer.

Buried at the end of last week was the news that Rick Perry signed an order to require all schoolgirls to be vaccinated against the human papillomavirus, aka HPV, aka the cause of genital warts, aka a leading cause of cervical cancer in women.

We would make fun of Perry, an avowed conservative Christian, for wink-wink-nudging girls into having premarital sex, but that would be a totally ignorant, backwards-ass opinion, so we'll leave it alone. And anyway, parents can have their daughters opt out of the inoculations for a number of reasons — whether based on religious beliefs or having to do with an overriding love of cervical cancer.

We do think it's kind of funny, though, that Guv Goodhair received a $6,000 campaign contribution last year from Merck, the maker of Gardasil, the anti-HPV vaccine. Considering how a typical three-shot regimen of Gardasil costs a whopping $360, we can assume the Guv is either very concerned about women's health or very easily bought. — Keith Plocek

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