Re:Re: Bachelor Bitchin'
I got the call in the middle of Monday Night Football: "Dude, did you see who got kicked off The Bachelor?"
I checked TiVo, and all I can say is damn, I thought the Cardinals nearly beating the Bears was a surprise.
This week's ep of The Bachelor: Rome started with the remaining contestants — including Houston's "socialite" Erica Rose and Galveston event planner Jami Matzke — learning an aria, which they then had to perform in front of an opera teacher and each other.
It's painful. Dogs howl. Toenails curl. Somewhere, Luciano Pavarotti screams. (Erica, true to form, performed in her tiara.) Fortunately, the contest is judged on performance, not skill. The winner? G-town's Jami.
For her screeching, Jami wins a one-on-one opera date with handsome Prince Lorenzo. Cut to Lorenzo picking Jami up from the house. Out she comes, in a flowing red evening dress and white gloves. Prince 'Zo whips out some crazy ice (the necklace is worth $2 million), shows her the box and then puts it on her.
Hold up -- giggling country girl in red dress and white gloves? Rich guy with diamonds? Sounds awfully familiar...
Surely Erica "I don't judge people but I judge" has something to say?
"I still stand firmly behind my belief that Jami and Lorenzo aren't compatible. The handsome prince dressing her up with diamonds — and gloves to cover her tattoos and everything...there's no way she's getting a rose tonight."
Maybe not, but she's getting into a sports car with the prince, who says "I felt like I was the luckiest guy alive."
Cue the opera date, with Jami gushing about being a "small town girl from Texas." The prince has a surprise:
"You know what I have in my pocket?"
Oh man, please say it's this...
Nope, it's the lyrics to the aria. Jami sings it for the prince, who's quite amused. The curtains open, and Opera Man — no, not this guy, though that would've been sweet — begins to sing. It's quite the romantic evening, but will Jami get a rose of approval? Lorenzo tells the camera that he's "not sure the physical chemistry is there." He then drops this on Jami:
"This is like dancing with my best friend."
After the jump: Erica speaka da broken English...
She doesn't. While other girls are on a group date with the prince in Tuscany, Erica is "stuck" with Agnese. "I think Agnese is the least attractive girl in the house," says the non-judging Erica. But, she's learned how to cope. "I can communicate with Agnres better than any other girl in the house because I speak English very slowly and ...I speak with an Italian accent. She understands me perfectly." An example:
Me tired. I go to sleep now. Have nice dreams."
Man, all that's missing is "me love you long time."
She later tells the camera that she's at least "seven notches" above the other girls in the house, but the prince just won't see it:
"I would like him to stop being such a dumbass and show some interest in me."
He is interested — in kicking her ass out! After a date with Agnese and Erica at his house (during which Erica interrupts himand Agnese), Lorenzo gives the rose to Agnese and sends Erica home packing. "Sorry you made a really bad mistake," she says from her limo (which is a lot nicer than Jami's get-the-hell-outta-here taxi). "Every guy wants a poor girl so he can feel like Prince Charming," she weeps into her champagne. Then, a sore loser classic:
"It's a disgusting little gross fairy tale. The poor girl meets the rich guy and they fall in love and live happily ever after. I'm so bored with that story."
The show promises that bounced Erica, clearly an audience draw, will be back to stir some things up in the next episode. Which means I'll have to watch this disgusting little fairy tale this coming Monday. — Steven Devadanam