These Guys Are on Fire

Categories: Spaced City
Nuthin' says "Welcome to Houston" like this.
And this week's winner of Worst Place for a Press Conference goes to: the sinisterly titled Grassfire.org.

This "grass roots" organization (get it? Uncontrolled burning? Casualties and property damage? Get it?) rents billboards across the country to proclaim their strong illegal immigration sentiments. Namely, they're against it. So they decided to hold a press conference at the base of their latest manifesto at I-10 and Yale. Perhaps they thought standing beneath a rumbling overpass in sweltering heat was symbolic of the hell decent American citizens go through every time a nasty alien tramples through the border with wicked thoughts on his mind.

It was reminiscent of the torture techniques and mind games we hear about from Gitmo. I was even ready for Steve Elliott, el presidente de Grassfire, to start blasting Blue Oyster Cult or something. (DO fear the Reaper, bitch!) Or perhaps Foreigner would've been more relevant -- on a number of levels -- as I really do believe the humidity was pushing my temperature near the 103 mark.

Anyway, I think the heat contributed to the tempers flaring, as a crowd of white people who apparently didn't have to be at any sort of job at the time started screaming at a LULAC representative, and the LULAC guy certainly didn't win any championship debate points, either. What this press conference needed was that single-tear-shedding Indian to show up and bitch-slap everyone there, but he couldn't make it, because, like, he and most of his people are like caged in these places called "reservations" or something. I don't know. I guess they like it there, otherwise they'd live in River Oaks, right? -- Craig Malisow


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