Texas's New First Lady Is Heading Up a Pro-Life Rally. Because of Course She Is.

First Lady Cecilia Abbott is getting down to business right quick.

We admit we've been curious about what it would be like. While everybody and their dog could see that newly anointed Gov. Greg Abbott would essentially be like a grumpier Rick Perry with worse hair, things were really up in the air about our new first lady, Cecilia Abbott. What would the first Latina to hold the spot of governor's wife in the great state of Texas choose to do with her power? The options seemed limitless and anything seemed possible.

Well, that ended fast. While her husband is pretty much living up to expectations since taking office this week, Cecilia Abbott has already gone and surprised us by signing on to headline a massive pro-life (aka anti-abortion) rally in Austin on Saturday. The rally is supposedly being held to "commemorate" the 42nd anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Roe v. Wade, which made access to abortions a constitutional right, although we're betting this rally isn't exactly about celebrating a woman's right to choose.

Anyway, at 12:30 p.m. tomorrow thousands of people (according to a press release) will gather and then the whole group is going to march through the streets of Austin to wind up at the steps of the Capitol Building. And once there, Cecilia Abbott will be the headliner.

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Rosenberg Police Release the Least Helpful Police Sketch of All Time

Categories: Crime

Rosenberg Police/KTRK
Super helpful, right?
Last weekend in Rosenberg, a man in a mask robbed a father and daughter at gunpoint outside an apartment complex on Vista Drive.

To help catch this criminal -- who police say may have robbed some people at another Rosenberg apartment complex the very same day -- police have released a sketch of a man in a mask. You know, just in case you recognize a man in a mask.

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Gary Kubiak Is Getting the Band Back Together, Hires Bill Kollar Away From the Texans

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for KubiakHP.jpg
Kubiak's gettin' the old gang back together in Denver.
When Gary Kubiak accepted the offer from the Baltimore Ravens to be their offensive coordinator for the 2014 season (and possibly beyond), in the back of his mind, I'm sure one of the key reasons was to rebuild his coaching image that was left at the bottom of a football well at the end of the Texans' 2-14 finish in 2013.

Kubiak wanted to remind people that, once upon a time, he could cobble together a pretty nice offense, and with the right pieces, he was pretty good at dialing up some football plays that would go for many yards and lots of points.

And guess what? Mission accomplished!

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Five WWE Title Matches That Were Bigger Travesties Than Deflate-Gate

Ring the damn bell!!
Well, now we know. Or we can guess, at least. Despite vehement denials from both to the contrary, it seems to be generally assumed by most of the sorts watching public that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady were both fully aware of, if not the impetus for, the deflation of the Patriots' game balls before the AFC Title Game last Sunday.

Belichick was his usual dismissive, stone cold, poker face as he let the questions bounce off of him like tennis balls against the garage. Brady was considerably more nervous and far less comfortable lying to everyone about breaking the rules. Regardless, the two of them are the biggest teacher/student villain pairing right now since Emperor Palpatine ordered Anakin to murder all those children in Revenge of the Sith.

But honestly, specific to Sunday, what was really accomplished by deflating footballs that wouldn't have otherwise been accomplished within the rules? The Patriots won the game 45-7 over the Colts, and outscored Indy in the second half 28-0, when the balls were presumably re-inflated to regulation pressure.

Belichick and Brady may need more than just a few pounds of relieved air pressure to defeat the Seahawks. If I may, I'd like to point them to our friends in old school WWE (nee WWF) for a few ideas, and a few game changing cheating escapades that were far worse than Deflate-Gate....

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Want to Help a Dog Who Had Half His Face Chopped Off? [Warning: Graphic Image]

Categories: Whatever

Courtesy ADORE Houston
So it looks like some asshole hacked off half of a dog's face, and that dog is still alive and could use your help.

Local rescue group ADORE Houston took custody of the dog Wednesday, after he was spotted in a landfill by Highway 288 and Almeda-Genoa Road, ADORE founder Angela Madeksho told us. A dead brindle dog was nearby.

"He was just sitting by his dead buddy," Madeksho told us. WARNING: Graphic pic to follow.

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Super Bowl Bye Week: This Weekend's Best Bets

Pro Bowl, Royal Rumble and Miss Universe? Sunday night is officially gonna be nuts.
In radio, when we randomly want to tell you about something coming up on the show later that day or later that week, we will interject with the phrase "programming note" and then convey the message to you.

So consider this paragraph the written version of a "programming note" -- I will be in Phoenix for the Super Bowl all next week doing my radio show from Radio Row, which each year is a cavalcade of really big-name guests, most of whom are NOT there merely for the fun of it. EVERYBODY is pimping something on Radio Row.

My point is that I hope to be able to provide insight and answers to questions being right there in Phoenix that I otherwise would not be able to back here in Houston, like "Is Pete Carroll's hair that fabulous in person?" and "How does Bill Belichick smell?" So there's something to look forward to.

In the meantime, even with no football this weekend, we should keep our betting muscles honed, just to stay ready for Super Bowl weekend if nothing else. So let's look at the board and see what there is to wager on this Sunday...

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Baker Botts Snitched on a Potential TCEQ Whistleblower

Kate Ter Haar via Flickr
On April 30, 2014, Kent Langerlan used his personal Gmail account to email an attorney with the Houston-based law firm Baker Botts, saying he might have information to blow the whistle on his employer, the Texas Commission on Environmental quality.

An investigator with the agency, Langerlan told a Baker Botts attorney that his girlfriend (now fiancée) Audra Benoit worked in enforcement in TCEQ's Beaumont office before the agency fired her in February 2013. Claiming TCEQ forced Benoit to do work "that was unlawful and against state and federal regulations," Langerlan wrote, "Ms. Benoit and I have a huge amount of documentation that validates her argument."

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Dear CBS, Can You Please Dump Jim Nantz And Phil Simms Already?

Categories: Football, Sports
Dear CBS, please, no more Jim Nantz and Phil Simms on NFL broadcasts.
Early in the first quarter of Sunday's thrashing of the Colts by the Patriots, Tom Brady hit Julian Edelman for a short pass on the left sideline. Edelman was just short of the first down, and a discussion started between the CBS TV crew of Jim Nantz and Phil Simms as to whether there should be a replay challenge of the spot.

This started as an empty, meaningless discussion, as are most discussions involving Nantz and Simms, though it quickly devolved into incomprehensible nonsense as Simms kept talking and talking about the spot of the ball, the dangers of a review and the meaninglessness of the challenge. There was no challenge, the Patriots got a first down on the next play, then scored on the next play after that. As usual, Nantz and Simms added no insight into the touchdown or any play of the drive. There was just a lot of clichéd nonsense interrupted just enough for Simms to make an idiot of himself even quicker in the game than usual.

Nantz and Simms are the number one NFL broadcast team for CBS. Theoretically, that means that this team should be among the four best NFL broadcast crews. But the reality is that they're far and away from even being the best tandem on CBS. The fact that CBS still trots them out every Thursday night and Sunday speaks even more about CBS's contempt for its audience than the fact that the network thought 2 Broke Girls was a good idea.

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The Everyday Hazards of Life in Houston

Photo by William Michael Smith
Pothole Patrol

One of the most widely-understood gripes about this city is the deplorable condition of our streets. Those of us who drive (and since we're dealing with Houston-level public transit here, that's most) swerve to avoid craters like this every day.

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Bill Belichick Speaks on Deflate-Gate: "I Had No Knowledge Whatsoever"

Bill Belichick pushed all his chips into the middle of the table on Thursday morning.
The standards for punishments established around the sports world over the past several years appear to be very clear. There is a distinct pecking order when it comes to most transgressions -- breaking the rules is bad, but lying about breaking the rules is worse.

We saw it with the Reggie Bush situation at USC a few years back when he lied about illegal benefits that he and his family received. We saw it with Bruce Pearl when he ran afoul of NCAA recruiting rules and lied about it, resulting in his termination by the University of Tennessee.

Granted, both of those were collegiate situations, but I think sports society has generally accepted this new standard. Contrition and acceptance "GREATER THAN" trying to fib your way through wrongdoing.

If indeed that is the case with the NFL as well, that lying and getting caught is worse than the crime itself, then Bill Belichick pushed all his chips into the middle of the table on Thursday morning, denying any knowledge of the noticeable deflation of the Patriots' footballs (11 of their 12 game balls were deflated by two pounds of pressure before the game) in the AFC Title Game on Sunday.

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