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It's the off-season for college football fans, a long dark tea-time of the soul. Many ardent aficionados while away the long cruel months between January and September assembling various all-time teams, dredging up YouTube clips of their favorite slobber-knocking hits and breathtaking runs, or drawing up depth charts before there has even be a single snap of spring ball. Over at the UT Longhorns site Hornfans.com, though, there's another hobby — finding new ways of expressing fanatical mancrushes on Vince Young. Some do it by endlessly vilifying the Houston Texans. Others do it by putting a picture of VY in their sig. But no one has ever been bold enough to top poster "Theo Huxtable" and his MS Paint masterpiece: Brokeback Badminton on the Moon.

HouStoned defies you to point us to a more poignant MS Paint expression of goofy manlove. — John Nova Lomax

Poor Dan Hawkins. The man is under a lot of pressure. The team he used to coach — the Boise State Broncos — capped off an undefeated season with a win over Oklahoma in one of the most exciting bowl games ever played. Hawkins's new team — the Colorado Buffaloes — capped off a miserable 2-10 2006 with a 37-14 drubbing at the hands of their rival Nebraska. Some have begun to wonder aloud if current Boise State coach / former offensive coordinator Chris Petersen was the real brains behind Boise's success. And from the sounds of this Denny Green/Jim Mora-like clip, Hawkins is starting to feel the strain. (Wait for it — he abruptly goes batshit about 90 seconds in.) -- John Nova Lomax

How can you tell if you're a college football fanatic? If you've been anxiously waiting for tomorrow, February 7, for a long time. The rest of you are wondering to yourselves: February 7? Why are college-football fanatics going nuts over the anniversary of Emile Zola's "J'Accuse!" trial? As it turns out, fans are instead waiting for National Signing Day, when high school seniors sign on the dotted line and commit themselves to a specific college. For some fans, that means an enthralling mix of despair and elation as players wait until the last minute to announce their choices. For others, like us, it means the end — for an all-too-short while, at least — of endless nattering about the thought processes of 18-year-old jocks who change their mind every 10 days anyway. Here's a neat little site that lets you track just where your favorite university is getting its players from. As you can tell, Mack Brown doesn't let anyone come across the border and steal someone from UT. The guys at the best college-football blog, Every Day Should Be Saturday, apparently posted this earlier today. But we, ever mindful of the need for Houstonians to be productive at work, have held off until prime working hours are passed. In case you're wondering, the "all too brief period" where recruiting talk ends lasts two days. -- Richard Connelly

New Rice football coach Todd Graham led the team to its first bowl game in 45 years, for which he was granted a contract extension three days ago. To show his appreciation, Graham then took the head-coaching job at Tulsa.

Ouch. Rice finally gets a coach who can win — after years of putting up with Ken Hatfield and his outdated, inept wishbone — and he skips town at the first opportunity.

Graham was a Rice darling up until the announcement (even though the Owls did get stomped in their bowl game), but, if this message-board thread is any indication, the love affair is over.

And, if some newly spurned fans are to be believed, it never really existed anyway.

Rice now begins yet another search for a head coach, one who will no doubt be greeted with open arms and a warm embrace. Until he leaves. -- Richard Connelly

You've just caught a 58-yard bomb that helped bury the storied Notre Dame football team in the Sugar Bowl — where you gonna go? Disneyland?

Not if you're wide receiver Brandon LaFell, the LSU redshirt freshman who nabbed the JaMarcus Russell pass on national TV. LaFell spent part of Friday visiting his alma mater, Lamar High School, and chatting with the football team.

Sporting the new Mohawk he debuted at the Sugar Bowl, LaFell told the players to keep at it. One player, obviously an Irish fan, asked why they had to beat up on ND so bad.

"We just did what we had to do," LaFell said, with all the humbleness a Mohawked man can muster.

LSU coaches are high on LaFell's future with the Tigers. A little luck, and he could be joining Russell in the NFL in a couple of years. -- Richard Connelly

Great, now I have less smack fodder for my Rice alum friends...

The Rice Owls departed this morning for New Orleans, where they'll take on Troy, er, sorry, Troy for the R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl on Friday. It's still a bit of a head scratcher — Rice U. is enjoying just its fourth winning season since 1993, and its first bowl berth in 45 years.

You can't say enough about rookie coach Todd Graham, who unlike a certain sanctified former A&M coach -- *cough Gary Kubiak cough* -- has managed to turn his team around overnight. And Todd Graham ain't working with million-dollar-per-year athletes, either. He's dealing with kids who'd be walk-ons at most Big 12 programs. Local sports fans know Graham's story well. Dude walked into his office at the first of the year, and changed the team's helmets, unis and of course, the game plans. Rice Stadium now has a new field and scoreboard thanks to Todd.

Due respect to Graham, it's still kinda hard to think about the Rice football program without thinking of Ken Hatfield, a class act of a head coach. The Chron's M.K. Bower has a good story about Hatfield, who's still rootin' fer Rice from his ranch in Arkansas. Hatfield's no slouch, and many a graduated player credits him for molding them into a fully functioning adult, which is more than can be said for your average grad of Tha U.

So safe travels and good luck, Owls. The smart money has you guys winning in New Orleans, as surreal as that may sound. — Steven Devadanam

We haven't checked with the Mayor's office, so we'll just assume they issued a proclamation formally declaring yesterday and today Official Vince Young Wailing Days.

One last bit of wallowing in the bitter muck of wasted draft picks: After Young went on his 39-yard classic game-winning romp, you might have idly asked yourself where Mario Williams — the man the Texans picked ahead of Young and Reggie Bush — was on that last play.

The answer: On the bench.

For those few Houstonians who aren't blind adherents to the Vince-Young-is-God school of thought, Sunday's game against the Texans admirably summed up the phenomenon.

Young had a pretty average day, but — as you just might have heard — won the game with a 39-yard overtime TD romp. And that's all anyone will remember, and they'll remember it by repeating the mantra that "Vince just always finds a way to win."

Sports-talk radio has predictably, but entertainingly, blown up here in town...

Anyone want to hear about the pregame activities that went down before the Conference USA championship game? Forget about it, unless you want to hear about traffic tie-ups and a fruitless search for a parking space.

Clearly overwhelmed by the size of the SRO crowd — the largest in Robertson Stadium history — UH officials apparently decided to face the hordes without any wimpy stuff like having cops from HPD, or even UHPD, directing traffic.

The result, for me and lots of others, was finally giving up and parking at the lots on the farthest reaches of the campus. You saved the five-dollar charge but faced a hike long enough that checking out tailgates was out of the question by the time you reached the stadium grounds.

But that was the only downer (well, that and trying to escape after the game. Oh, and trying to buy a hot dog or drink at the overtaxed concession stands) of a night when the Coogs rocked their stadium, on a crisp, clear night, before a raucous crowd, defeating a worthy foe. UH's Kevin Kolb and Vincent Marshall had huge nights as they topped the Southern Miss Golden Eagles 34-20 to win the right to go to the Liberty Bowl.

You'll see the highlights on ESPN and read about them elsewhere, but here are some things that might not make the other wrap-ups:

The Coogs' theme song, blasted loudly before the game and the second half, is Rick Ross's infectious "Hustlin'." The only trouble is, while the home team is hopping hard to the repeated line of "Everyday I'm hustlin'," a quick look at the visiting team's sideline shows they're getting pumped by it too.

Southern Miss had a respectable number of fans at the game; they seemed enthusiastic but not obnoxious. Maybe they got there early enough that they didn't have to go on parking-space safari.

The bizarre play of the game came at the end of the first half, with UH trailing 17-13. With only about 13 or so seconds left in the half, no time-outs and the ball at Southern Miss's goal line, UH tried a run play that was stuffed. As the clock ticked inexorably away, Southern Miss players got off the pile with all the speed of the "I've fallen and I can't get up!!" lady, and the refs did nothing. As the half ran out, the crowd booed lustily and even threw some bottles on the field.

The residual effect of this was the crowd continued to jeer everything USM during the ensuing halftime. This included a loud round of boos to the hyper-enthusiastic shout of the USM band announcer, who urged us all to give a warm welcome "to those delightful Dixie Darlings!!" which is apparently some kind of Trent Lott-loving baton team.

The most feeble announcements of the night were the warnings to fans to stay off the field after the game. Feeble because once the thousands of fans had ignored the announcements and jumped the railings, they were directed to the 30-yard line where a flatbed truck had been driven on to the field for the awards ceremony. We're sure if anyone had broken a leg, though, UH would have said "We warned them not to go on the field!" They were shocked, shocked, that the warnings were ignored, but had a ceremony ready to go in case they did.

All in all, it was a terrific night for UH football. They may not be able to beat whatever SEC team they face in the Liberty Bowl, but on this beautiful December evening they were champs, and the heroes of a stadium full of a huge, shouting, high-energy crowd of fans. -- Richard Connelly

Coogs fans, we'll see you at the game in a few. And tomorrow morning, be sure to check out Richard Connelly's game wrapup. (Extra props for Rich for working on a Saturday.)

Stay tuned, and go Coogs!

Apparently, we're not the only ones who have the privilege of Richard Connelly's college football insight. Our Football U. prognosticator recently broke today's UH game down with fellow pigskin blogger Sunday Morning Quarterback. One thing caught our eye from the piece: "Connelly sat down with SMQ over Angelo Bucco and Dungeness crab-stuffed ahi."

Man, we've really gotta start dining with Connelly.

You can read the q&a and game breakdown here.

In this week's edition of Football U., pundit Richard Connelly gets the start as John Lomax rests for tomorrow's walk.

Championship Game fever is in the air!! Can you feel it?

Probably not. But don't blame UH. They've done their part by getting to a title game, which is more than UT or A&M can claim.

The Cougars are looking to sell out Robertson Stadium, although we're betting a lot of ticket-buyers may have second thoughts when the gametime temperature is hovering near the 40-degree mark. Robertson Stadium definitely ain't Soldier Field when it comes to hardy followers who thumb their noses (and their flasks) at a little chilliness.

UH football has a pedigree as long and luminous as the university itself, which is almost — almost — as old as Leslie Nielsen of the Naked Gun series.

The commuter school has long struggled mightily to support its team, even when the Coogs were regularly beating UT and going to the Cotton Bowl as the Southwestern Conference champion.

Those glory days were short-lived, though, and have been forever tarnished by The Dark Years, also known as the John Jenkins Era.

Jenkins ran the loathsome run-and-shoot offense (or, as Buddy Ryan put it, the "chuck n' duck")and is responsible for what is the single sickest game UH football history.

With soon-to-be-NFL-bust QB David Klingler, Jenkins's teams went wild, each touchdown pass in the Astrodome marked by an air-raid siren that was supposed to enliven the game-day experience for those fans who showed up.

UH scheduled Division 1-AA opponent Eastern Washington in 1990, and Jenkins kept Klingler in as he threw 11, yes, 11 TD passes. And even on the 11th, as the 4,000 or so fans remaining in the yawningly empty and quiet Dome embarrassedly clapped their hands, that goddamn siren went off, its silly, supposedly intimidating blast echoing forlornly off the walls.

Klingler played three and a half quarters — you never know when EWU might come back! — and killed any chance he had of winning the Heisman because voters assumed his stats were tainted. Klingler later tried to salvage his chances by saying at the end of the year:

"If we'd been trying to run up the score on Eastern Washington, it would have been 160-21."

The vote-getting strategy failed.

That's the legacy UH football is trying to overcome. Let's hope a C-USA championship is a start.

Yeah, yeah, but will UH win, or what?

There are 120 teams in the NCAA's Division 1-A, but only two of them get to play for the Conference USA championship. We're sure Ohio State and USC, on the outside looking in, can barely contain their jealousy.

Instead of those losers, it's the mighty, mighty Coogs of UH taking on Southern Miss at Robertson Stadium Friday night. It's been a long time since there was a post-season football game of any importance in town that didn't involve high schools, so it's worth checking out.

Our advice, though, is to pick up your will-call tickets early if you're ordering by phone (713-GO-COOGS) or online, although don't bother if you're using Mozilla Firefox. Update: Apparently Firefox works sometimes (See our Comments section).

We went by UH's surprisingly luxurious Athletics & Alumni Center Tuesday afternoon to pick up our tickets and found about 30 people waiting in a line that wasn't moving too quickly, despite the best efforts of the hard-working staff. Will-calls at Robertson Stadium have always been dicey, and we're guessing Friday night will be no different. Between the will-call line and the legendarily long (but worth it) waits for fried chicken at the nearby Frenchy's, it could be a frustrating night.

One bonus of Tuesday's long ticket queue: Some short, middle-aged white guy was giving shooting lessons to a tall black kid on the basketball court adjacent to the ticket office. He worked his way around the three-point perimeter, knocking down shots with ease. Then he went to midcourt, turned his back to the basket and launched a series of one-handed, over-the-head shots. Two of three went in, and the other missed by inches.

Coogs, you have your halftime entertainment option for Friday sitting right in front of you. -- Richard Connelly

This week, pundit John Nova Lomax is on the PUP list, which means Richard Connelly gets the start. Man, this is really gonna screw up our fantasy league roster...

Rich's Picks:

Longhorn fans, no matter how pitiful your season has been — and you know it's bad when you have to beat A&M just to insure you get to play a powerhouse like Boise State — it could be worse. You could be taking orders from Mattress Mac.

Mac donated $1 million to the athletic department of his alma mater (or what would have been his alma mater if he had actually graduated), the University of North Texas in Denton. You donate a million bucks to the Longhorns' athletic department, you might get a concession stand named after you, or maybe one of the weight machines. A million bucks at North Texas goes a lot farther.

Unfortunately for Mac, shortly after he donated the bucks UNT fired football coach Darrell Dickey. This so incensed Mac that he ordered the university to direct his money to the music department (that'll show 'em) unless they named the football practice fields in honor of the just-fired coach. (The just-fired coach with the unfortunate name of Dickey.)

UNT caved immediately, and is now the proud home of the Dickey Practice Facility. We can only hope no sixth-grade teams from Denton ISD ever have to use it, or team discipline will be forever shattered.
Dickey, by the way, went out with a bang — for his last game he purchased cheap, black jerseys with no UNT logo for his team to wear. Class.

Some interesting games are on tap this Thanksgiving weekend:

Texas - Texas A&M: We can only hope the Longhorns aren't looking past the Aggies, but when you have a historic opportunity to face tradition-rich Boise State, you tend to get stars in your eyes. Coach Mack Brown will do his best to keep his players concentration focused, even as they battle the noxious fumes coming from the moldering carcass of Dennis Franchione's coaching career. Texas 45-17.

Notre Dame - USC: Trojan players are still reeling from the emotional shock that came when they learned their most celebrated alumnus, OJ Simpson, was to be denied his God-given right to earn money off stabbing to death two people. Coach Pete Carroll tried to get noted clown artist John Wayne Gacy in to speak to the team about the issue, but was disappointed to learn Gacy had been executed 12 years earlier. Notre Dame 34-31.

LSU - Arkansas: Arkansas, whose jerseys sport the player's name on the back, has a roster which includes Will Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick. Two student trainers are assigned each game to do nothing else but make sure those three people never stand next to each other on the sideline, lest this farked photo above comes true. The Razorbacks are everybody's trendy pick now, but we still believe in the cold cous cous. LSU 17-14.

Georgia Tech - Georgia: Georgia Tech is ranked 15th in the country and Georgia is not ranked at all. That cannot be a very pleasant circumstance for UGA fans. Which means it's a pretty pleasant circumstance for the rest of us. We're guessing Tech coach Chan Gailey finds a way to lose this one, though. Georgia 21-17.

Florida - Florida State: Things are so bad at FSU that head coach Bobby Bowden had to fire his son, who had been his (woeful) offensive coordinator. That's not as cold as it sounds, though: any son of the ancient Bowden is no doubt nearing retirement age anyway. As sometimes happens with college football match-ups, there is no one worth cheering for here. Just sit back and enjoy the athletic ability of players who couldn't find the classroom with a map. Florida 26-10.

We won't waste too much time on an intro this week. We just want to know how pigskin pundits Richard Connelly and John Nova Lomax are calling the OSU/Michigan game. We gotta make a call to our booki...er, mom.

Um, yeah. The coin has been tossed: Lomax kicks off, Connelly gets the ball in the second half:

John's picks:

The Kansas sky was angry that night my friend, like Bob Stoops railing at a Pac Ten replay official. Icy winds whipped down from Manitoba and Saskatchewan; the mercury plunged well in to the high 30s. Bill Snyder Family Stadium was full of Wildcat fans all pumped up on...on...whatever it is they get pumped up on in Manhattan, Kansas. Wildcat freshman QB Josh Freeman played the game of his life, Colt McCoy got knocked out of the game at the end of the Longhorns first drive (thus forcing into action a true freshman), and the Longhorn secondary played like they'd been partying with Devin the Dude and Z-Ro before the game.

And even with all of that, the Horns still almost pulled it out. We'll just gloss over the fact that the Horns allowed Kansas Freaking State to roll up 45 points on our once-vaunted D and take solace in the fact that this kind of thing has happened before. In 1961, the Horns were in the driver's seat for their very first National Championship ever when they headed north. In this case, "north" was only Ft Worth, where the puny TCU Horned Frogs proceeded to beat the crap out of the Horns by a deceptively close score of 6-0, which inspired Texas coach Darrell Royal to compare the Froggies to cockroaches. Anyway, here's the spooky part. In the 1961 game, UT's stud QB James Saxton was injured in the first quarter, just like McCoy in this game, and TCU and K-State both wear purple. Eerie, isn't it?

Anyway, on to this week's picks.

Michigan at Ohio State. Has any team ever played three "#1 vs #2" matchups in one year? This could be the second of three for the Buckeyes if they win this one, which we think they will. In addition to this being a battle between the two top teams in the nation, it also pits the two squarest coaches in the land. Lloyd Carr reminds me of John Kerry's dumber brother, while next to Jim Tressel, even Joe Paterno seems as hip as Beck. Buckeyes 27, Wolverines 14.

California at USC. As usual, Cal will take their Rose Bowl dreams and the Spoiled Children right down to the last second. And as usual, they will lose. USC 34, Cal 31.

Alabama at Auburn. Is there any state more downright irrational than Alabama? Well, if you think they are normally Crazy in Alabama, you should see what it's like there this week. The state has 0 pro sports teams, so this is the Super Bowl, World Series, and Sum Total of Spiritual Validation for just about every person in places like Mobile, Anniston and Talladega. This year, we think Auburn will drive the final nail in Coach Shula's coffin by a score of 16-13.

Army at Notre Dame. What an epic tilt — four Heisman players and twelve All Americans competing on the same field at the same time! Bing Crosby roots on the Irish, while Douglas MacArthur orates on the Army sidelines! Frank Leahy vs Red Blaik! America's rising Catholic minority battling the Old Establishment! Oh wait, it's not 1947 anymore...never mind. Notre Dame 42, Army 20.

Upset of the Week: Vanderbilt over Tennessee. As a guy who grew up in Nashville, I can tell that even when the Vandoids are pitiful, they give the Vols a pretty good game. The 'Dores are far from pitiful this year, and the Vols are staggering through another typically disappointing year under Phat Phil. Vandy shocks the world 24-22.

Up next, Rich on Snoop Dogg's f-bomb-dropping buddy, Pete Carroll...