Don’t understand the 14-year-old daughter / niece / cousin in your life who shops at Hot Topic and won’t get that dyed black hair out of her face? Not enough to tell her you were punk rock too, once? Try sharing some of these poems with her…instant connection, Miss Pop Rocks guarantees it.
Breakfast in the Kitchen
The toaster gleams like the knife
That cuts the soul of myself
I watch the burning coils sear through the
Bread of my heart
How could you betray me?
How could you leave me and never return?
Damn you, toaster
Where is my toast?
Rush Hour Traffic
The man in front of me
Drives a Prius
Once, I thought it would make a difference
Ending the warming of our globe
The death of our humanity
Now I know the Prius is a lie
Just like our love was
Coffin Highway Death
Mary in Accounting Needs Your Expense Report
xoxoMaryxoxo
Do you hear me calling you?
Why, Mary?
Why can’t I have your trust like I once did?
The times we talked by the community coffee
You gave me what was left of the Coffee-Mate
Our trust
Like the swirling brown dregs of the Coffee-Mate
Is dead to me now
Who’s Picking Up the Baby at Day Care?
Like the black flowers of nightshade
So is the long drive to the day care in traffic
And I need to stop at Walgreens
So can you please pick up the baby at day care?
She is the…
Flesh of your flesh
Blood of your blood
Yes, I know we have run out of cat food
I will get some
We Could Order a Pizza
The phone bill is like white searing metal
On the desk and remember (although it brings you pain)
We don’t have the money, really
(Or the love or the trust or the mortgage payment)
But
Let’s get a pizza
With extra agony
Did You Take the Clothes Out of the Dryer Like I Asked You To?
When you said you didn’t take the clothes out of the dryer
Like I asked you to
It was like you were stomping on my heart
And turning it into small shreds of beating red
And then I crumpled into hot tears
Because you forgot the fabric softener
You Should Just Get the Vasectomy
No, don’t touch me
I forgot to take my pill again
I know it will be the cut of death
And your manhood recoils in suffering at the thought of it
But you should just get the vasectomy
Insurance will pay
To take away your lifegiving power
Now the baby is crying
Really, you should just get the vasectomy
Shit, we forgot to do the taxes
-- Jennifer Mathieu
From THE STRAIGHT DOPE:
What about the Prius and its allegedly grim environmental impact? The cause of the controversy seems to be a report called "Dust to Dust" by Oregon-based CNW Marketing Research. The report claims a Prius has a higher lifetime energy cost than a Hummer, an assertion cited by George Will in 2007 in his syndicated newspaper column. But the report is ludicrous. It evidently was self-published, lists no authors, quotes no technical literature, never explains its methodology, and contains numerous unsupported and often bizarre assertions. (Sample: a Prius will have a life span of only 109,000 miles whereas an H1 will last for 379,000 miles, apparently the basis for the contention that the Hummer’s per-mile costs are lower.) Only a fool or a commentator with an ax to grind would take such nonsense seriously.
The same can be said of another anti-Prius yarn circulating over the past year. It originated with an article last spring in the Mail on Sunday, a UK paper, blaming the Prius for devastating environmental damage around a plant in Sudbury, Ontario, that processes the nickel used in Prius batteries. The story was grossly wrong; the major damage occurred more than 30 years ago, long before the Prius. Pollution has since been reduced 90 percent and the region reforested. The Mail yanked the piece off its Web site with an apology, but not before the usual knuckleheads picked it up, folded in the "Dust to Dust" drivel, and spread the result everywhere. Rush Limbaugh is said to have read on the air a version of the story that appeared in a fricking student newspaper.
Posted at: April 4, 2008 4:00 PM