Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

Being a mail carrier for the postal service must be a bitch, particularly in older neighborhoods where they have to walk up to houses instead of just driving by a mailbox. There's the heat and carrying a big pack full of mail. But, perhaps the worst part is the fear of being attacked by a dog. Any avid cyclist will tell you that riding through neighborhoods often means being approached and even chased by dogs not inside a fence or on a leash. Imagine facing that threat every day on foot.

According to a pair of reports released by the American Veterinary Medical Association, Texas is number three on the list of most dog bites in the U.S. As for the cities list, San Antonio is second, Houston comes in at #9 and Dallas ranks at #13.

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Photo by Houston PD

Stephanie Redus was charged with advertising placement of her child on Craigslist -- a misdemeanor.

Having trouble raising the kids? Put them up for adoption on Craigslist.

At least that's what one area mom did for her son. Stephanie Redus of Huffman sent out a desperate plea to the Craigslist community, saying the responsibilities of parenthood were just too much and she couldn't handle the pressure.

Redus, 29, posted the Craigslist ad on May 1, which read, "Hi, I'm trying to adopt out my three-year-old son. I'm not in a good place in my life and don't feel like I can care for him properly, but I don't know where to start. If you or know anyone who is interested in caring for him please let me know. I'm a single mom and can't do this. Thanks, Desperate."

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I'm a travelin' man
I've made a lot of stops all over the world
And in every part I own the heart
Of at least one lovely girl

When Ricky Nelson sang those words, he was a rock star traveling the globe and probably getting all the action he could handle. But for non-rock star types who want to nail hotties without paying for it -- well, at least the leaving-cash-on-the dresser kind of transaction -- while traveling, perhaps you should be eyeballing her book instead of her boobs.

According to MissTravel.com (more on them in a sec), judging her book by its cover may help you figure out if that PYT is DTF (that's Pretty Young Thing and Down to Fuck for those who don't speak acronym or listen to Michael Jackson). They even released a handy list based on a "study" they conducted of women through polls on their Web site, so you know it's accurate. The "Summer Reading Guide for summer travelers" gives you tips on how to identify chicks looking for a vacation roll in the metaphorical hay. You don't even have to read or anything, because dudes don't read unless it's the sports page or a pie chart showing how much money we made this quarter. Am I right?

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Not available in real life.

No one likes a hospital stay. That's pretty much a given.

But why don't they like it? We need research!

Luckily (sorta), I've had some experience lately -- a six-week stay that ended in January, and a surprise return visit last week. So let me offer my five reasons why staying in a hospital sucks.

5. False advertising
You know all those porno movies, back in the day when they had to have at least 35 seconds of plot and dialogue before the bass kicked in and the lovin' began? Half of them involved a voluptuous nurse getting it on with an initially confused but eventually happily surprised patient. Turns out, such things never happen.

No wonder they invented the Internet.

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Your finger will be throbbing with pain before you're done.

You see it on Twitter -- a Huffington Post tweet saying Forbes has released yet another click-bait list, this time of the "best cities for young professionals."

You know you shouldn't, but you click just to check quickly to see if your city is included.

You soon learn you are dealing with Forbes, and that means they are going to milk every last goddamn click possible out of your "quick check."

How many can they get? Let us count the ways, and the clicks:

1. Your first click takes you to a story by Jacqueline Smith, which outlines at some length just what "best cities for young professionals" means. Turns out it means places where young professionals are not morbidly depressed.

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Photo Courtesy Abandoned Animal Rescue and The Village at Gleannloch Farms

Warning: The U.S. Surgeon General states that this pic of sisters Lois and Louise, available for adoption, may contain dangerous levels of cuteness.

If you're trying to figure out what to do between the hours of 11 a.m.-3 p.m. on May 4, fret no more: You oughta go to The Village at Gleannloch Farms' pet adoption and fundraiser shindig, benefiting Tomball's all-volunteer Abandoned Animal Rescue group.

In addition to tons of cute critters you can micro-chip on site for $25, you can stuff your face silly with hamburgers and ice cream. Better yet, you can adopt a dog and stuff hisface with hamburgers and ice cream -- everyone's a winner!

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Check 'em out before you cut a check.

Apparently because there are just too many a-holes in the world, the IRS has issued a warning about charity scams that have popped up in the wake of the Boston and West, Texas tragedies.

"It's sad but true," the IRS tells us. "Following major disasters and tragedies, scam artists impersonate charities to steal money or get private information from well-intentioned taxpayers. Fraudulent schemes involve solicitations by phone, social media, e-mail or in-person."

So what can you do to protect yourself?

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Put that Peep down, perp!

The Season of the Peep is over for yet another year, the hideous tastewarpers going out of sight, out of mind until stores once again begin next year's Easter push, generally a week before Valentine's Day.

Much as we would like to simply forget about Peeps for as long as possible, it would be unseemly to send them off without some kind of hurrah.

But which kind?

We'll cover all the bases, as you'll see. Feel free to try it yourself, in the comments or on our Facebook page. Grand Prize: No Peeps sent to your house.

5. The noble limerick
There once were some candies called Peeps
That always would give kids the creeps.
They had soulless eyes
Despite any disguise --
They were shit from some yellowy sheeps.

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Wrap that rascal, my good man.

Spring Break is on the horizon, beginning for some people this weekend.

College kids will head to spots in Texas or Florida, cram themselves into motel rooms, hope they don't get so drunk they pass out and wake up with their faces transformed into a piece of Sharpie art, and just have fun.

Which means sex. Which means condoms, good Lord.

As a public service, we searched eBay and Etsy for condom-related stuff, and luckily our search was rewarded with these ten gems:

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Walmart: Officially the saddest, and most promising, place in 15 states.

Walmart has anything you could need. Ninety-eight-inch televisions. Formica bookshelves. Palettes of alcohols. Piles of strollers. All for under $50, and all available just down the interstate.

The Waltons have perfected the pursuit of capitalism, 102.7 billion times over. They've timed their sales, and pitched their products, and undersold the competition with enough vim and energy to make Rockefeller and Vanderbilt look down in heavenly approval. They've earned the ire of businesses and socialists the country over. They've provided America with a vision of capitalism, pure and clean.

And yet, there's always remained one product Walmart's never been able to provide. It's a product as priceless as it is timeless. Love. The one product we all need. The one product Walmart can't hawk.

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