We know exactly what we gonna do, what we gonna do, when they come for us: tell 'em it ain't our crack!

If you've ever been jealous of the (alleged) perps on "COPS," resplendent in their beer-soaked wife-beaters and mullets, shouting about how that crack rock in their back pocket wasn't really theirs because those really aren't their pants, as they're forced to the ground in front of their trailer while a baby-mama and a pit bull exchange tormented yelps, and eighteen officers stand watch with Tasers, now's your chance to shine: the venerable TV show, now in its 86th season, will soon be filming in Beaumont.

Beaumont Police Chief Jim Singletary told the Police News that a "COPS" producer called him and "said he did a little research on us. He's from Texas, and he likes to do Texas police departments. And he's heard some good things about our department."

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A move to end the dispute, or a PR gimmick?

The endless, tedious fight between Comcast SportsNet and local cable providers has left Houston sports fans out of luck if they're trying to follow the local teams.

That may have changed, however.

Comcast SportsNet has announced they're giving a free trial to most Houston cable viewers, which will allow them to see the Rockets, Astros (if they dare) and Dynamo.

The cable providers would have to agree to carry the free trial, so nothing is set yet.

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As I wrote about yesterday, Boston Red Sox slugger David Ortiz kind of recalibrated the acceptability scale for the F-word on Saturday when he dropped it in the middle of his brief speech welcoming Bostonians back to baseball in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings. Hell, even the FCC wasn't going to deny Big Papi his right to F-bomb freely out of raw emotion.

But context is everything, and just because one man says "fucking" on the air in defiance of terrorism doesn't mean that another man can say "fucking" on the air out of the frustration of mispronouncing a name.

A.J. Clemente found this out the hard way yesterday.

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Book `em, Arian. Get Danno to help you.

The annual Pro Bowl is generally viewed by NFL players as, in this order, 1) a reward for a job well done, 2) an opportunity to get some much needed rest and relaxation, and 3) a chance to play a glorified sandlot football game another football game.

Well, Houston Texans running back Arian Foster took the opportunity with this year's Pro Bowl trip to Hawaii to add a fourth characterization: the opportunity to make a cameo appearance on Hawaii Five-O.

In an episode of the program which aired on Monday night, Foster played a role he is very familiar with -- "Pro Bowl running back named Arian Foster."

If you check Foster's IMDB.com profile, this is the role in which he clearly excels:

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Via Wikipedia

Alex Jones

Every "9/11 was an inside job" conspiracy theorist's favorite radio host, Alex Jones, made an appearance on Piers Morgan Tonight on CNN Monday night after he launched a petition that has gained over 30,000 signatures to have Morgan deported back to England when the British news show host ripped into gun rights advocates on Twitter and elsewhere. Jones was invited to the show and proceeded to unleash a tirade rarely seen on a news program. You could call it a sparring match except the only one really sparring was Jones.

From Mao and Stalin to Hitler and Indian gang rape, Jones went every which direction, sometimes within a few seconds. Morgan barely got in a word, with Jones even mock (I think) challenging Morgan to a boxing match. It was mesmerizing, frankly.

It was a rare glimpse for the general public into the world of the radical conspiracy theorist from Austin whose show garners over a million listeners if you believe Jones and not his Wikipedia page, which he said in one of his more lucid moments Monday night was out of date.

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Lately, a number of my friends have asked the question: Should I get rid of cable? Ten years ago, the answer would be yes only if you didn't watch any cable network television shows, at which point you could simply go back to an antennae. With the advent of digital television, that has become a more complicated question. On one hand, there are millions of shows and events offered through streaming digital services like Hulu, Netflix, iTunes and even YouTube. But, there are still limitations that might prevent some from bailing on cable altogether.

Personally, I would love to never have to be beholden to Comcast or U-verse or DirecTV or Dish Network again. But running a straight streaming system isn't for everyone (never mind the fact that you'll need a broadband connection from a company like Comcast to make it go). And, unless you want to pay for each episode of a particular show, you will need to ask yourself a few questions before making the leap.

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Having all these massive mergers of giant cable and entertainment conglomerates is confusing. It's getting to be that it's almost impossible to know who owns what anymore. In the world of journalism, it can get messy. There have been numerous reported instances of the big corporations behind the media companies holding up or even preventing stories that could result in lowered stock prices or lawsuits. But one thing that has been fairly clear is the names of these companies. Yes, it's Time Warner, but most people don't confuse Time Magazine with Warner Brothers. Part of the reason is that the two companies brand themselves differently.

The Comcast and NBC merger, parodied brilliantly on 30 Rock, was made more complicated recently when Comcast, who now owns 51 percent of the conglomerate, decided to, out of nowhere, drop the peacock on top of its newly redesigned logo "like a crown" as the Brand New brand identity blog aptly put it.

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KTRK

Absent during sweeps, bio missing from KTRK's site.

It's well-known that Channel 13's Wayne Dolcefino has long been hounding Precinct 6 Constable Victor Trevino, so many thought it singularly strange that Ted Oberg broke the story of the veteran lawman's indictment last week.

He was AWOL through October sweeps. Indeed, he has not been on the air for six or seven weeks at all.

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Eddie Money on the way down

It's NFL season, which means some of us are getting back in front of the television set again after an extended break.

It almost means a slew of new TV ads, and between those two aspects it means some football fans are being exposed to the latest and not-so-greatest in boob-tube commercials.

How grim has it been so far? Here are five of the worst.

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Another reason to never leave your couch

Last month, Xnfinity partnered with Comcast to launch a TV version of Skype in about a dozen cities across the U.S. Now they're bringing it to Houston.

For the modest price of $9.95 a month (on top of the standard monthly rates for Xfinity/Comcast internet/TV), you get a Skype Adapter Box, an HD webcam and a remote control equipped with a full QWERTY keyboard. All that allows you to make and receive unlimited video and audio calls over your HDMI-capable TV. Feel free to call your parents, reconnect with an old friend, or sit in on your Asian granddaughter's birthday party (as shown).

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