NFL Rookie QB Update: Mettenberger Sucker Punched, Manziel Smitten, Madden Ratings Reaction (VIDEO)

It's in the game.
At the risk of sounding like Chris Berman (which bis a horrible risk to take, nonetheless...), there's an old lyric in the Eagles' iconic hit "Hotel California," you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

It rings true for so many things, not the least of which is the status of "SEC football player."

Yeah, you can get drafted into the NFL, you can sign that first contract, attend OTA's, and become a full fledged member of an NFL roster, but to most of the mouth breathing psychopaths in the SEC footprint you'll still always be "that moppy haired asshole who plays for our archival."

Zach Mettenberger found this out the hard way.

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SEC Network, Texas A&M Coming to Comcast, Houston. Fans Continue to Wait on CSN, Rockets, Astros

Aggies will be on the air in Houston this fall.
The good news: Aggies fans will get to watch A&M football on Comcast this upcoming fall. The bad news: CSN Houston is still ONLY on Comcast.

Not to be a negative nelly, but it does seem rather ridiculous that games for both Texas A&M (SEC Network) will be available to the vast majority of Houstonians, while two of our professional sports teams are visible to only about 40 percent of the city (oh, and the colleges that are in Houston -- UH, Rice -- get their coverage on CSN Houston as well). The Longhorn Network, which was a debacle from day one, is still not on Comcast, but is on most of the other major providers including AT&T U-Verse and Dish Network.

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LSU Head Coach Les Miles's World Cup Analysis Goes Sideways at SEC Media Day (VIDEO)

God bless Media Day.
I've been working on a piece for next week's print edition of the Houston Press on the sport of soccer in the aftermath of the World Cup.

In doing some of the research, I've been gathering the usual cadre of statistics, quotes, historical information and expert speculation (thank you, Glenn Davis and Rob Stone!). As someone who grew up in a soccer family, the sport definitely feels like it's as well positioned as ever to really take off in this country.

Gargantuan television contracts, plush new stadiums, league expansion, all these things are happening. These are all great things.

Then, on top of that, the mere soccer awareness across other sports certainly signals heightened relevance for the beautiful game.

We saw some a couple of examples at SEC Media Days:

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Stuart Scott's ESPY Speech Receiving the Jimmy V Perseverance Award Brings Down the House (VIDEO)

Not all that long ago, I was complaining to a buddy of mine with knowledge of the inner workings at ESPN about the "shtick" of some of the anchors/hosts.

Specifically, I told him that I was not a huge fan of Stuart Scott's work and that Chris Berman's gravelly barrage of jokes that were fresh in 1989 made me want to jam a crowbar through my brain. My friend proceeded to tell me that if anyone was going to have to change in my relationship with ESPN, it would be me because those two guys weren't going anywhere.

"Berman and Stu are the most powerful guys in the building," he said.

Let me just say that I'm still trying to reconcile my feelings with the two of them (both are, by all accounts, pretty nice guys, for what it's worth), but I struggle.

As it pertains to Scott, I respect his longevity, I respect his professionalism, I definitely respect his ability to build a brand. I'm just not wild about the brand.

I'm still not, but after last night's ESPY's, I am a huge fan of Stuart Scott the person and Stuart Scott the father.

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Game Show Follies: Jeopardy Contestants Have No Clue on the Big Ten

Ah, Jeopardy hijinks.
Of all the sports "things" that are set to debut this fall (a list that includes Jadeveon Clowney, the SEC Network, and A.J. McCarron trying to shoo his Bengal teammates away from his wife), perhaps the one I'm most excited about is Dan Patrick's new Sports Jeopardy show, which is set to debut on Crackle sometime this fall.

(Okay, that's a lie. I am definitely most excited to see Vontaze Burfict wind up with Katherine Webb, but Patrick's show should still be good.)

For those who don't know, Crackle is a Sony-owned digital service available on mobile devices and services such as PlayStation, Xbox, Apple TV and Roku. Until now, its best known programming is probably Jerry Seinfeld's short comedy series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

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LSU Safety Jalen Mills Arrested for Allegedly Punching a Woman in the Mouth

Screencap from
Jalen Mills's alleged crime might give him a head start in the Fantasy Crime League.
There are two reasons I haven't brought the Fantasy Crime League concept to the collegiate ranks yet:

1. The outstanding college football blog already gives out the Fulmer Cup each offseason for that exact purpose (to highlight frequent performance in the category of "crime"), and the last thing you want to do is be the guy who is second to the market and starting up a rival promotion. In WWE parlance, my trophy would always be viewed as the Intercontinental championship. You don't want to be the Intercontinental champion.

2. I already have enough on my plate as commissioner of the NFL Fantasy Crime League. I am just one, solitary man. I can only do so much.

However, if you're into scouting for the next level crime-wise, college is the place to go, and when it comes to sending guys who are a little bit dirty to the next level, LSU has been a solid feeder program of late!

Dare I say, LSU is the LSU of Fantasy Crime feeder systems!

Which brings us to Jalen Mills...

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2014 Summer Preview: What Will Sustain Us as a Sports Nation?

Photo by Jennifer Boyer
Summer months are harsh for a sports writer.
The dirty little semi-secret in sports talk radio is that there are many hosts out there who dread the months of June, July, and the first part of August.

Yes, the same time of year to which the rest of the free world counts down like a prisoner approaching their parole date, many in my business abhor, some even fear. For the very reason that you look forward to it (vacation!) is one very big reason that sports talk is a barren wasteland in those months.

Add in the fact that the Astros are working on their fourth consecutive 100-loss season and you can see why some might be fearful of (GASP) having to get creative and maybe even (DOUBLE GASP) talk about something other than sports.

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Lou Holtz Retiring From ESPN; Six Moments That Capture His Television Career (w/ VIDEO)

Photo by Shotgun Spratling/Neon Tommy
Forever "the coach".
I am a Notre Dame graduate, class of 1991, and I say all the time that I owe at least seven of the ten best memories I have from college to Lou Holtz.

Holtz was the head football coach at Notre Dame while I was there. He arrived in South Bend in 1986, a year before I got there. (Hint: One of us arrived to massive fanfare. The other arrived with a case of beer and a poster of Miss Elizabeth.)

Also, to be fair, I make the same "seven out of ten" crack when anyone mentions Tim Brown, Raghib Ismail, or Tony Rice (all on-field staples of the Holtz Era), so my "out of ten" math doesn't really work, but my point should be well taken -- Notre Dame football whooped ass while I was a student there from 1987 through 1991, highlighted by a national championship in 1988.

And Holtz was the man behind it all.

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Jameis Winston's "Great Crab Leg Caper" Police Report Released

Photo by Zenie Abraham via Flickr
A crab leg thief?
As the 2014 NFL Draft rolls up on us this Thursday, one of the top prospects for next year's draft continues to chip away at his draft stock brick by brick, through sheer stupidity, if nothing else.

Last week came news that 2013 Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston, apparently famished, went to a Publix grocery store in Tallahassee to satisfy his hunger. Being a Heisman Trophy winner with a flair for the dramatic and a desire to do everything "big," he didn't merely go for a box of crackers or a bag of chips.

No, it was crab leg and crawfish time, baby!

Only one small problem -- Jameis Winston "forgot to pay for them."

(Please picture the quotes surrounding that phrase in the largest font possible and picture me making the "air quotes" finger gesture with the maniacal eyes of a Tyler Hansbrough.)

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If Google Elected Athletes to Office, the President Would Be...

Photo by Keith Allison
Bro hugs, it's what sports is all about.
Before computers ruled our lives, before the Internet connected everyone to everything, relevance was a far more subjective attainment. Stardom was a feel, degrees of which were debatable.

Nowadays, with our ability to measure the relative joy in/admiration for/tolerance of almost anything thanks to Internet analytics, we have measures for relevance. Things like web hits, Twitter trending topics, Facebook "Likes." Self-esteem used to have no statistical measurement. Now it has Twitter followers.

These measurements have become incredibly handy in sports (especially in the content-driven part like radio and blogs), as we can truly see in numerical form which athletes/personalities are moving the needle.

To that end, how about this latest bit of data?

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