In the 80's hit movie Stand By Me, there's a scene where the four main characters, teenage boys (including a young Corey Feldman!), are sitting around a campfire and one of them (Gordie) tells a story about a fat kid named Lard Ass participating in a blueberry pie eating contest at the county fair.

As the story goes, Lard Ass is so fed up with the teasing he gets about his weight that he decides to exact revenge on the town by chugging castor oil before the contest, and after consuming a truckload of pies, vomiting on the other participants.

Perfectly executed, the plan then results in the "watching someone vomit" effect overtaking the crowd and everyone at the event ends up puking on each other in a big nuclear explosion of purple vomit.

Completely satisfied and beyond proud, a content and puke covered Lard Ass just sits back and watches the carnage he created unfold.

Oftentimes, I wonder if anyone still alive with the Houston Rockets in 1984 watches the NBA Draft lottery the same way Lard Ass watches the county fair puke-fest.

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As the Rockets first round series with the Oklahoma City Thunder unfolded, as Kevin Martin flopped around like a spastic Euro, as Derek Fisher continually executed the only discernible basketball skill still in his repertoire (corner three!), as Kendrick Perkins ran up and down the floor with the grace and agility of the Great Khali, it became readily apparent that in the pantheon of "sports hatred," the Oklahoma City Thunder were rapidly assuming the mantle of the Utah Jazz, at least in my world.

For that series, I "sports hated" the Oklahoma City Thunder, at least this version of them. Hell, even the always likable Kevin Durant was starting to take on some "heel" tendencies, talking trash to the crowd at Toyota Center and making odd "angry faces" at various times during the series.

So I even "sports hated" Kevin Durant! Go figure.

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With cool cards to spare

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, like women's hoops star Skylar Diggins this past weekend, I graduated from the University of Notre Dame.

And thus ends the list of things that Skylar Diggins and I have in common.

At the time of my graduation, I was (and still am) a pasty, unathletic, sarcastic and not all that attractive man. At the time of her graduation, Skylar Diggins is a dark complected, world class athletic, stunningly attractive woman.

Additionally, my nicest graduation present was a briefcase from my parents. Skylar Diggins just got a Mercedes from Jay-Z.

Point, Diggins.

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It must hurt to go into a season with the highest of hopes, dreams of a championship, go through the grind of an 82-game regular season to secure a one seed, and then have it all go up in smoke in a matter of about a week.

It's been so long since I had a team I was emotionally invested in head into a season with realistic title hopes to the degree of the Oklahoma City Thunder this past season, I almost forget what it feels like.

But based on the reaction of Oklahoma City fans on Twitter last night after the Thunder finished their quiet fade into 2013 playoff oblivion, bowing out in five games to the Memphis Grizzlies, it appears to be the worst level of excruciating.

I mean, how else do you explain fully grown adults threatening bodily harm on Rockets point guard Patrick Beverley?

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Photo by Groovehouse

Les Alexander (center) flanked by the former players who helped keep him from being completely hated by fans.

Fame has a fifteen minute half-life, infamy lasts a little longer. - The Insider

Owners of sports franchises never have it easy. From Charlie Thomas to Les Alexander, John McMullen to Drayton McLane, Bud Adams to, yes, even Bob McNair, fans are ruthless and we're talking Houston, not Philadelphia or New York, where fans boo Santa Claus and throw batteries at players on the field. Losing often makes owners an easy target and our teams have lost a lot.

But when it comes to endearing yourself to the fans, the biggest problems are rarely created by on-the-field (or court) moves. Sure, the local professional teams have made more than their fair share of gaffes, but they have had successes as well. The Rockets won two titles. The Astros went to a World Series. Even the Oilers won AFL championships and made the AFC title game twice during the Luv Ya Blue era.

Still, previous local owners are nearly as famous for their off-field blunders as their bad draft picks, poor coaching or general manager hires and ridiculous trades. Now Jim Crane is having his moment and it's ugly. From the shake up in the front office to the changes in the broadcast booth to Crane's own idiotic comments in the media, and now the mess with the Houston Area Women's Center and Astros Wives Organization, the Astros owner is finding out the hard way what others before him have realized: It takes more than a winning team on the field to make the fans happy.

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One man's opinion...not whether too little Astro/baseball coverage on local sports radio, but whether too much football in off season.

— Greg Lucas(@GREGCLUCAS) May 13, 2013

Former Astros broadcaster Greg Lucas tweeted the above a few days ago, and it resonated with me and something I've been thinking lately. I do understand how the lack of winning and seemingly endless number of changes on the field and off over at Minute Maid has caused fan interest to wane. It also hasn't helped that they and the Rockets are not on TV thanks to the continuing stalemate between the owners of CSN Houston (i.e., the teams) and cable networks not named Comcast.

As a result, it isn't surprising that the fans and media have put the Astros on virtual ignore. It has even led over the last couple years 790's Matt Thomas and his daily "Obligatory Astros Call" (complete with theme music).

But, looking more closely, it goes beyond just a lack of interest in these current Astros.

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Tick...tick...tick...

While the viral celebrities of the Internet age are, in our minds, all part of the same dysfunctional family (Ladies and gentlemen, the VIRAL Family! Tay, Chris, Antoine, Charles, and Zombie Kid! Ready for action!) , the fact of the matter is that none of them actually know each other and none of them knew exactly when their 15 minutes of fame would begin.

So while I am a huge fan of Charles Ramsey, as you know, it's hard for me to act like the interruption of his still-ticking-but-almost-up 15 minutes of fame by a new burgeoning, temporary star is the violation of some sort of "viral" code.

After all, you just never know when the clock on your quarter hour may begin. So, no, I don't blame you, Filomena Tobias, for harshing my man Chuck Ramsey's soon-to-be-expiring fame.

"Who is Filomena Tobias?" you may ask.

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At the beginning of the season, even after the trade for James Harden, I was convinced this was not a playoff team. Right before the season started, I wrote this in a blog post: "With youth comes athleticism, energy and excitement. It also brings inexperience, inconsistency and the occasional train wreck. All of the above will no doubt be on display for the Rockets this season." Not an inaccurate assessment, but they were certainly better than my predicted 35-47 record (and substantially better than the Las Vegas betting line of 30.5 wins).

All in all, it was a move forward for the young Rockets, setting them up for a critical offseason that could catapult them from upstart to legit contender. But until the draft and free agency are settled, it's a good time to look back at the year that was and hand out some grades.

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I am mesmerized by LeBron James.

I'll admit, he's converted me. I am a fan. This is coming from someone who wrote four straight posts around the time of "The Decision" in July 2010 about what an asshole LeBron was. This is coming from someone who openly rooted against him every time he was on my television screen. I think I even stood and booed in my living room one time. And I don't ever boo.

LeBron James drove me to irrational levels of athlete hatred.

But somewhere along the way, probably about the time he was tearing the Boston Celtics' heart from their collective chest in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals last season, I realized that enjoying the Age of LeBron was going to constitute a far more pleasant existence than resisting it. Greatness was in full bloom.

I've now even gone so far as to repeatedly argue on my show that LeBron is the best ever, blasphemy to my Chicago native co-host John Granato.

If all of this makes me a bandwagonner, then so be it. I've pushed my basketball chips to the center of the table on LeBron.

Which makes my reaction to his not being named the 2012-2013 Most Valuable Player unanimously surprising to me, and my reaction is this:

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Photo by Groovehouse

Will the Rockets get James Harden some help this offseason?

It's difficult to believe anyone outside of the most hardcore fans truly believed the Rockets would be a playoff team this year. Most, including myself, assumed they would finish under .500 and back in the lottery. Even with James Harden, an unproven starter, added before the season, it was tough to add it all up. But, then again, it was also tough to imagine a stacked Los Angeles Lakers team barely making the postseason and flaming out in four games or the red hot Denver Nuggets being knocked off by the Golden State Warriors. As the saying goes, that's why they play the games.

And despite the success for this inexperienced team, the Rockets have some big questions to answer this offseason. If last offseason was about reshaping the direction of the franchise, this one is likely about solidifying its future.

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