The power of Christ compels you....

Updated with statements from Governor Rick Perry and the Freedom From Religion Foundation.

In a high-profile battle based on small-town football, the cheerleaders in the little East Texas burg of Kuntze have won a court battle to praise Jesus during football games.

The Kountze case drew national attention as media-savvy groups for both sides took control of the lawsuit, which involved banners carrying such messages as "If God is for us, who can be against us" (Maybe the Hull-Daisetta Bobcats?) and "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." (Replace "Christ" with "PEDs" if you're moving on to some college football teams --cough, cough SEC cough.)

The Freedom From Religion Foundation of (The People's Republic of) Madison, Wisconsin, went to court with an amicus brief to stop the displaying of the banners, arguing the signs were an intrusion of religion into public schools.

The Liberty Institute of (God's Country) Plano fought on behalf of the school district.

Today Hardin County District Court Judge Steven Thomas issued a summary judgment saying the cheerleaders' signs were constitutionally permissible.

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In yet another startling display of idiocy from Fred Phelps and the members of the Westboro Baptist "church," they have threatened to protest game five of the first round series between the Houston Rockets and Oklahoma City Thunder Wednesday night because Jason Collins came out as gay this week and Thunder forward Kevin Durant -- among MANY other NBA players -- voiced his support for Collins.

The geniuses behind Westboro have protested everything from the funeral of soldiers and children to concerts and parades. It is honestly hard to imagine just what the hell they are protesting for. It seems to be something about hating homosexuals and thinking the world is ending, but who knows with these morons.

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Not real.

Someone with a lot of time on their hands and a burning desire to -- what? embarrass Joel Osteen? -- has put together several Web sites advancing the idea that the rich megachurch preacher is quitting.

The hoax includes Web pages, fake news stories, a YouTube video and a Twitter account.

To a tweeter who actually doubted @PastorJoelOsteen, he (or she) replied: "Nothing fake here. The church controls almost all the accts in my name. They've cut off and seized my accts. Theyre panicking".

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Pope Francis I: Who's the "Francis" for?

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio surprised a lot of people yesterday when he chose the name he'd be using as leader of the Catholic Church: Pope Francis I.

As the "I" indicates, he's the first to ever use Francis, and there have been a hell of a lot of popes before him who could have done so. About (the actual count is slippery) 266 popes have had the chance to call themselves "Francis I," and none did. (Technically, he won't get the "I" attached until he dies.)

The new pope says he's honoring Francis of Assisi, but come on -- there's no way today's Church would hold up a stone-cold radical like Frankie Assisi as a model. Someone who actually gave up a luxurious, sex-laden lifestyle to live with and help the poor?

Not likely. So who is Francis I named after? Five guesses:

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Lighten up, Francis.

We've got white smoke; we've got cheering crowds, habemus papam, as they say.

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio got the gig and, even though his name ends in a vowel and looks like it should be preceded by a nickname, he's not Italian. For the third time in a row, the College of Cardinals has elected a non-Italian pope, signalling something.

Bergoglio is a soccer fan from Argentina. He's a Jesuit, the Marines of the Catholic Church. And he's taking a brand-new name, one no pope has ever used: From here on out, he's Pope Francis I.

Which kinda pisses me off, because it's my middle name and was my father's name, and I fully intended to use it if I was elected Pope. (I came thisclose to running this year, but backed out at the last minute because it would have conflicted with the NFL's free-agency season.)

So we got ourselves a new Pope. As usual, no one knows much about these guys, so we turn to nerds who follow such things, and they say Francis I is known for hitting the streets and being somewhat of a moderate.

But we'll see. We're keeping our eye on him, and here are five very deep questions we're asking.

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