HPD Will Test Your Blood or Your Breath in 10-Day DWI Initiative

Categories: Get Lit

Don't let this be you. HPD is pumping up the DWI watch for the July 4th week.
For the next ten days, the Houston Police Department Traffic Enforcement Division will be on the lookout for impaired drivers. They gave it the catchy slogan "Don't Get 'Popped' During 4th of July Festivities," because nothing reminds you that Johnny Law is watching you like a snappy refrain about drunken/high driving.

Starting today and running through July 7, the initiative will stake out "various areas throughout the city." Yeah, we wish we had more specifics. Not so we can go drunk joy riding, but so, you know...to inform.

"Additional officers will be deployed at high-risk locations around the Houston area to conduct DWI enforcement efforts during times that alcohol-related crashes are most frequent," HPD said in a statement. We're going to assume this is during the after-work happy hour times, or during the after-after-after-party hours of 3 a.m. to 7 a.m.

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Congress Votes to End War on Medical Marijuana

Photo by Hammerin Man via flickr

Medical marijuana patients, rejoice. The federal government is no longer in fear of your (state-legal) reefer.

Late last night, Congress voted to essentially end the federal war on medical marijuana by approving a measure that prohibits the Department of Justice -- which includes the DEA, by the way -- from spending federal funds to fight state laws on medical cannabis. This means that if a state has legalized medical marijuana, the medical marijuana dispensaries are no longer subject to the threat of raids by the federal government, and patients and providers are no longer subject to arrest.

"It's becoming clearer and clearer that marijuana prohibition's days are numbered," says Dan Riffle, director of federal policies for the Marijuana Policy Project, who has been lobbying for support of the measure since 2003.

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Now That We've Decided to Arm Fetuses, How Do We Get 'Em the Weapons They Need?

Categories: Get Lit

Jesus friggin' Christ, guys.
It's been a few days since we checked in with Rep. Steve Stockman's belief that the only way to prevent abortions is to provide zygote Uzis and fetal firearms. You can apparently obtain one of his now-famous bumper stickers, pictured right, with a donation of only $10 to the Congressman's re-election camp. (As much as we'd like to, alas, journalistic ethics prevented us for asking for a bundle in exchange for all this free publicity we're sending Stockman's camp. Have to pay for them like the rest of you, unfortunately.)

Thankfully, the Internet has finally come through, with national pubs getting this Onion-inspired bumper sticker the play it deserves. I'm sure there's no amount of public shaming that will get Stockman to change his tune -- "If they're pissed, we're doing something right!" -- and we'll have to wait until 2014 to see if we'll get more blatula-strapped swag we can save for future generations.

In the meantime, we've attempted to cobble the 10 best Tweets from the past few days reacting to Stockman's grammar-challenged attempt at ... humor? rhetoric? evidence of the abject failure of the Detroit school system? Have a look-see, and tell me each wouldn't make a better bumper sticker along the way:

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Steve Stockman Wants Zygotes as Armed as the Rest of Us

Categories: Get Lit

Arm 'em! Arm 'em to the baby teeth!
After vowing to impeach President Obama and inviting Ted Nugent to this year's State of the Union address, it's clear that Steve Stockman is just the gift that keeps on giving. And now, it seems it's your turn to give someone the gift that Steve Stockman, and the rest of the far-right loon-bin, can stand firmly behind.

According to Stockman's campaign Twitter feed -- the Congressman is up for reelection in 2014 -- there seems one logical solution to the issue of abortion that, forty years into its legalization, continues to bring moral ruin to the infanticidal maniacs sitting in Washington. Per a new bumper sticker released Thursday, the only way to keep the li'l zygotes from reaching fruition is to toss them some Colt .45s and let God sort 'em out.

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Looking Back At The Genuine Texas Handbook, 30 Years Later

No tacos, no Geto Boys, no SXSW...
This past weekend I found a copy of Rosemary Kent's 1981 book The Genuine Texas Handbook at a thrift store off Highway 290. The 224-page golden treasury of Texicana hails from a time when 1980's Urban Cowboy and the oil boom was coloring the worldview of the Lone Star State, for better or worse.

The book is only a little bit over 30 years old, making it outdated to say the least, but still amazingly prescient in some passages. It's made up of infographics (which is how everyone gets most of their news now anyway) and cute chapters on things that you must know to be a well-adjusted Texan.

The Handbook tackles everything from food, drinking, clothing, shopping, oil, rich people, and everything in between, with a pinch of Texas history and a whole lot of outrageous generalizations.

The Texas the book describes is not the one we know today. This is a genteel, stereotypical, and prosperously white Texas. There are no mentions of upscale cuisine, gays, codeine, pollution, hip-hop, or any minorities beyond Mama Ninfa, border town shop owners, Charley Pride, or Freddy Fender.

So it's like a time capsule, or hanging out with a grandparent who doesn't know that it's 2012. But for all it's shortcomings you can't but feel some sort of demented state pride while holding the book. What other states besides maybe Louisiana and California warrant a "handbook" -- no matter how sarcastic -- for its citizens?

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Seven Sins: A True-Crime E-Book from Village Voice Media

Categories: Crime, Get Lit

Every week writers for Houston Press and our parent company, Village Voice Media, produce elegant magazine-style feature writing -- a gritty portion of which comes in the form of true-crime stories. Now VVM has collected some of its best recent true-crime yarns into an ebook: Seven Sins: A True Crime Anthology from Village Voice Media. Available on Amazon and iTunes, the book features seven stories, including the incredible tale of a young American Muslim woman "honor-killed" by her own father; the odd story of a young San Francisco woman so enamored of serial killers that she became known as America's most prominent "murder groupie"; and a historic murder case in Colorado in which the golden age of tabloid journalism collided with Erle Stanley Gardner, the larger-than-life creator of the Perry Mason mysteries.

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Hot, Hot Christmas: Nine Erotic Novels About the Holiday Season (Semi-NSFW)

Categories: Get Lit

When the yuletide whip comes down.
Porn never sleeps.

You'd think the holy season of baby Jesus and Santa would not be fodder for writers of erotica, both soft-core and not-so-soft-core, but you'd be wrong. Geez, there's probably a subgenre out there of Veteran's Day "romance" novels.

To be sure, Christmas can be romantic, with sincere expressions of love, with running into old flames when you go home for the holidays, with people hoping not to be alone and lowering their standards after a few spiked egg nogs.

Not to mention the pay-for-play head excited wifey gives her husband after getting a red-bowed Lexus.

But the erotica writers of America don't limit themselves to such obvious things. Here are nine examples.

9. This Christmas She Rules, by Jennifer Leland

It's another gloomy Christmas for Pamela Dane. Not only is it the anniversary of a dark period in her life, but all her friends had the nerve to hook up. It's not easy for a female Domme to find a playmate.

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Great News, Texas: Robert Caro's Newest LBJ Volume Comes Out in May

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A new perspective on this odd couple
It's been -- as always -- a long wait between volumes of Robert Caro's masterful, majestic and compulsively readable biography of Lyndon Johnson.

News has finally come of the new volume, and even better news is that it won't be the last. The new book, Passage to Power, will only cover the years 1958-64, when LBJ took firm control of the presidency.

We have wondered in the past how Caro hoped to contain the 1960 election, the JFK administration and LBJ's White House stint in a single volume; it's excellent to see that won't be the case.

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Kathy Patrick Runs Literary Empire From Tiny Shop in Jefferson

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It's a long trip to Kathy Patrick's little hair salon/bookstore, Beauty in the Book, nestled just outside the main street of historic Jefferson, Texas, deep in the Piney Woods. But plenty of people make the pilgrimage each year. From up-and-coming authors to members of Patrick's 515-chapter international book club The Pulpwood Queens, any given day at Beauty and the Book, which Kathy calls the only combination salon/bookstore in the world, is bustling with visitors.

It's in the tiny salon where Patrick, the subject of this week's feature, has launched a one-woman literary machine, helping authors reach bestseller lists, bringing the pastime of reading to masses of Pulpwood Queens (and Timber Guys, as male members of the book club are called), and helping develop a kind of mutually beneficial relationship between writers and their audience that allows each unprecedented access to the other.

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Lesbian Lube, and Three Other Sex-Based Pick-Up Lines to Try at Your Labor Day Barbecue

Categories: Get Lit

barbecue girl.jpg
Sure to blow her skirt up.
Today is Respite from Labor Day, which means it's best spent lying on your back for a full 24 hours.

Like seesawing or tie dancing, lazing is best executed with a partner. Partnerless? Never fear. Chicks at the barbecue will be powerless against your arsenal of timely pick-up lines.

If you get the feminist vibe
Who is that winsome womyn? Win her over with some wine coolers and your sex-positivity. Today, K-Y (the company that made the goop you found at the back of your friends' parents' drawers when scrounging for a Q-tip at the sleepover) aired its latest commercial for K-Y Intense, a sex-heightening gel. Normally, you'd want to wait until at least the third date to talk about clitoral arousal, but today's an exception. In a historic moment for television advertising, the commercial features lesbian sex:

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