Barrage of Lies Means the NFL Draft Is Almost Here

Categories: Game Time

Faceless commenter guy says Clowney was born this way. No work involved.
This is where the NFL Draft process really starts to get fun. (This is also where I wish that sarcasm had its own font.)

We are only a few weeks away from the 2014 NFL Draft, and maybe it's because we sit smack dab in the middle of the city with the No. 1 overall pick, but it feels like the lies from anonymous personnel people (not to mention the fabricated Chris Mortensen stories) have been taken up a notch this year.

Hey, who cares, right? Just the livelihoods of some 21-year-old kids on the line, not our problem, right?

In case you hadn't seen them, here were the big two strings of faceless conjecture that rang out this past weekend.

(Pay attention, Texans fans, this affects you!)

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Fantasy Crime League Update: Aldon Smith Begins What Could Be 49er Surge

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Aldon Smith and his poor choice of bomb joke venues.
If Vegas had put out a big board on Sunday afternoon with a futures bet on "Next San Francisco 49er most likely to be charged with a crime," the prohibitive favorite would have been quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

After all, Kaepernick is under investigation for a "suspicious incident" in Miami where a woman was doing shots and smoking weed with Kaepernick and two other players, got naked with Kaepernick, and then woke up the next day in a hospital.

Kaepernick's been charged with nothing so far, but certainly he would seem to be teetering the closest to an arrest.

But when you're Aldon Smith, I guess you're always teetering close to an arrest just by being Aldon Smith, and on Sunday, you Kaepernick bettors would've had to crumple up your tickets.

Aldon Smith, Criminal, is back!

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Rockets Release Greg Smith, Sign Former Longhorn Dexter Pittman

Photo by Aaron Vazquez
Possibly the answer to Rocket's next-level chances.
The Houston Rockets' magic number (combined Rocket wins and Portland losses) to clinch home court in the first round of the playoffs and lock up the fourth seed (and a likely first round tussle with those Trail Blazers) is two.

So let's start there.

With four games to go in the regular season, and a clinching of the fourth seed in the Western Conference imminent, Daryl Morey and the Rockets can begin the process of getting their ducks in a row. That means being strategic about doling out minutes and granting rest. That means bringing back guys who are currently resting (Dwight Howard, most specifically) at just the right time to shake off the rust before a (hopefully) deep playoff run.

And, unfortunately for center Greg Smith, it means making sure you've got healthy bodies from top to bottom on the roster.

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Kliff Kingsbury Launches the Debate: Which College Football Head Coach Is the Best Dancer? (VIDEO)

Photo by Don O'Brien
A lady killer like Kingsbury?
Every year, there's a weeding out process in college football, where the certain percentage of head coaches are cut loose, retire, or move onto other endeavors. The coaching carousel begins spinning and schools that fired their coach generally begin looking for something the opposite of the guy they just let go.

Schools that fired an offensive guy look for a defensive guy. Schools that fired an energetic spaz look for someone more stoic. Schools that had Charlie Weis or Mark Mangino look for someone thin.

And around and around we go.

However, Texas Tech may have completely changed the game with last year's hire of Kliff Kinsgbury.

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This Team MMA Fight Better Be the Wave of UFC's Future (VIDEO)

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Looks like a gang fight, but it's Euro MMA.
Competition for attention on the American sports landscape is fierce. The first tier sports like football, basketball, and baseball dominate with their billion dollar television deals and prime placement on Sportscenter.

It's not easy being on the second tier.

Yeah, soccer, golf, and a few others get their occasional day in the sun, but those are sparse. It's up to them to continually innovate and take their game up a notch to compete.

Which brings us to our good friends in MMA.

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The Ultimate Warrior on 1990 Episode of Arsenio Hall Show

Categories: Game Time, Sports

R.I.P Ultimate
When you go to a concert to see a legendary musical act, sometimes the regular show just isn't enough.

You need an encore.

And I feel the exact same way about YouTube tributes to wrestlers who pass away at a very young age. The jabronis, they get their requisite four or five videos, then it's time to move along. But the beasts, the immortals, well, for them sometimes just one blog post with a video career timeline just isn't enough.

I see you, Ultimate Warrior.

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Definitive Video Anthology of the Ultimate Warrior, 1959-2014

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Photo by DianesDigitals
Hero of the WWE's steroid era, will be missed.
Jim Hellwig was never an easy man to work with, and nobody knew this better than WWE chairman Vince McMahon.

Hellwig, whom all of you know better under his WWE moniker of the "Ultimate Warrior" (and who, going forward in this piece will be referred to as "Warrior," seeing as Hellwig legally changed his name to "Warrior" in the mid-90's in order to protect his gimmick), was probably best known for three things --

1. His superhero physical persona, which included face paint, arm tassels, and muscles the size of large briskets.

2. His meandering, rambling, nonsensical interview style.

3. Leaving the wrestling business multiple times over various business disputes, most of them with McMahon.

Until the past year or so, that was the legacy that WWE was essentially painting of the man from "parts unknown," and with WWE as really the only artist left in the wrestling business to paint legacies, that was going to be it.

Finally, though, thankfully for the legions of Warrior fans out there (all once known as "little Warriors"), the two sides made peace in the past year and Warrior was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame at Wrestlemania this past weekend.

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Overly Sensitive Howard Stern Calls Jeff Van Gundy a "Douche Bag"

Categories: Game Time

Photo by Howcheng
NBA front row, land of the rich and powerful. Stern should take notes from Jack, there are rules to this.
Anybody who has watched Jeff Van Gundy broadcast an NBA game knows that over-the-top, borderline overreaction to certain ancillary aspects of the game (maybe a minor rules interpretation or the antics of a mascot) are part of his "gimmick," if you will.

If Jeff Van Gundy were a heel WWE manager, part of his methodology of getting under your skin would be to impose his version of common sense on the viewing audience. It's what he does, and anyone who's watched it enough or has talked to Jeff Van Gundy in person knows that a big part of it is "just him having a little bit of fun."

Well, clearly, Howard Stern doesn't see the humor in Van Gundy's opinions, specifically his views on the unwritten rules of having a front row seat at an NBA game.

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Start Your Day Off Right With This Story From Vin Scully About a Crack Pipe

Photo by Craig Y. Fujii
Crack pipe chatter, like only Vince can.
For all the talk about the games lasting too long or the sport moving too slowly, baseball is still a key part of the American sports tapestry, and when it's at its best, chances are it's being narrated by Vin Scully.

Scully is in his 65th season as the voice of the Dodgers, and his distinct dulcet tones are easily recognizable to any baseball fan, Dodgers or otherwise. In fact, Scully is so good at what he does that he could describe almost anything and it would be auditory gold.

Horse manure, mold spores, naked mole rats, whatever. Scully could enthrall you with tales of anything.

On Tuesday night, it was crack pipes.

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UConn Wins 2014 Men's Basketball Title: "This Is What Happens When You Ban Us"

Categories: Game Time, Sports

When he took over for the retiring Jim Calhoun back in September of 2012, University of Connecticut then-interim head coach Kevin Ollie concluded his introductory press conference with some very prophetic words:

"I want to just say that we're gonna take the stairs and not the escalator because the escalator is for cowards. We're gonna take the stairs and it's going to be one step at a time and we're gonna get there. Your future's not given to you, you gotta take it."

Ollie was taking over a program that was to be banned from the 2013 men's tournament by the NCAA for low APR (Academic Progress Rate) scores from a few years ago. The school was also set adrift by conference realignment turmoil that left them on the outside looking in, a member of a brand new, Big East refugee conference called the AAC. Mega rivalries with Syracuse and Georgetown were replaced with trips to Central Florida and Houston.

UConn would have a handful of players jump ship before the 2012-2013 season.

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