Donatas Motiejunas Takes His Turn On Chandler Parsons

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Don't see Parsons on there? Neither does D-Mo.
"Think before you speak." -- Chandler Parsons on Twitter, July 24, 2014

Chandler Parsons fired off these four words of advice late last week.

Taking a run through Parsons' Twitter feed, it's hardly a deluge of self-improvement axioms. He doesn't send out one of these a day to help his 234,000 followers make better life decisions, like some sort of hipster Confucius. No, Parsons Twitter timeline is mostly acknowledgement of other fellow NBA players and tips of the cap to really expensive restaurants in Vegas.

Indeed, Parsons' tweet about thinking before speaking had a much more specific target, likely former teammate James Harden on the heels of this quote last week:


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2014 Fantasy Crime League: Final Standings, Season Awards

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Congratulations?
After much debate and conjecture, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell weighed all the evidence, circumstantial and (presumably) visual, and handed down the punishment:

Ray Rice would be suspended for the first two games of the 2014 season for his part in a violent incident with his then-fiancée/now-wife Janay Palmer a few months ago in an Atlantic City casino, an incident that included some disturbing surveillance footage of Rice dragging an unconscious Palmer out of an elevator.

The Internet exploded, the media railed and Stephen A. Smith almost ended his career with a head-scratching, awful take on women's role in domestic violence.

Indeed, if any of this -- suspensions, reaction, relevance -- mattered for purposes of my NFL offseason Fantasy Crime League, the Ravens would have run away with the 2014 title.

But alas, those things don't count, and in a reversal of the 2013 Super Bowl, the San Francisco 49ers emerged "victorious."

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Constructing the Perfect Five-Man College Football Coaching Wrecking Crew

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Sean is up for the challenge.
To say that the internet is the gift that keeps on giving implies that we're cool with all of its little trends, memes, and time wasters.

To be clear, there is plenty of repetitive, over-thought sludge that comes from our friend, the world wide web. Tebowing and flash mobs had their runs as general web nuisances, and don't get me started on whoever brought Gangnam style into the mainstream.

But occasionally, we get morsels of brain food that spark debate and evoke thought. To that end, of late, there seem to be a preponderance of salary cap style opinion purchase challenges (that's the best way I can describe them). In other words, "You have twenty bucks, here's five groups of mobsters categorized by city, each with his own price -- now go put together the most bad ass crew possible. GO!"

I don't know how it happened, I'm just glad it did. I love stuff like this. And with the college football season almost here, this is the latest....

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Athlete Twitter #FF: Philadelphia 76er Joel Embiid

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Via Twitter
Rookie Joel Embiid is becoming a Twitter star.
When you're the third pick in the NBA draft, there are a ton of expectations.

Even with the relatively mitigated risk of the rookie wage scale, fans in the city that drafted a player are expecting some sort of return on the team's investment in the player, and on their investment in season tickets. For young players, that can be a lot of pressure.

Now, when you're injured and can't help the team, that's a different kind of pressure altogether. Yes, it's important to heal properly, but eventually fans get impatient, especially in a cauldron like Philadelphia. What's a young player, especially one with, say, a debilitating foot injury, to do?

Well, so far, Sixers rookie center Joel Embiid seems to have found a solution.

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Houston Texans Sign Tyson Clabo, So It's Probably Safe to Make Wild 53-Man Roster Picks

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Shaping up for training camp.
Completely and utterly sucking the previous season has its privileges in the National Football League.

As a fan of the Houston Texans (if you are one), you may already know this, and if you didn't know this, you will find out repeatedly throughout the preseason and the early part of the regular season.

Sure, we all know about the privileges on draft night. First overall pick, Clowney, first pick in every round, "A second is really like a first! A third is really like a second!", blah blah blah... Well, there is also another key privilege that manifests itself frequently throughout the "roster construction" phase this summer, and that's being at the front of the one for any waiver cuts throughout the league.

Yes, the Texans essentially get dibs on other teams' garbage as they put it on the curb. It's like they're the most privileged homeless person ever!

As a result, the depth chart is probably going to look like a sea of revolving doors until Bill O'Brien determines he has the group he's ready to hit the over on 7/5 wins with.


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Five "Nights" the Astros Can Use to Sell Tickets in September

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Breaking Bad night?
When it comes to the standings, Major League Baseball (or any other team sport, for that matter) is a zero-sum game.

One team wins, one team loses, and in baseball, by the time August rolls around, from a business standpoint, you just hope that the teams that lose regularly are in cities where the fans attach fewer conditions to attendance than in other cities. St. Louis, Boston, Chicago....those seem like places where tickets still get sold even if the team is ten games under .500.

Unfortunately, many cities aren't nearly as unconditional with their love for their hometown team, so it sends marketing and promotions departments scrambling for solutions to create buzz, fill seats and generate revenue.

Phoenix is one of those passive sports cities.

At 44-57 heading into Wednesday's games, the Diamondbacks are on a long road to nowhere, mired in a battle for third place in the NL West with the equally underwhelming San Diego Padres. So how does Arizona get fans out to the ballpark for a Sunday game against the woeful Chicago Cubs?

Here's how:

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Rockets Sign 2nd Round Pick Nick Johnson (DUNK VIDEO)

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Nick Johnson's poster dunk...in the summer league.
If there were a Hall of Fame for highly valuable second round picks, it would likely be located in Houston, perhaps as an annex to the Toyota Center.

In the modern-day edition of the NBA draft, where the value of a draft choice has odd contractual ties to the round in which he is selected, no team has done better on draft night than the Houston Rockets.

(I was going to say no team has "taken better advantage of" the second round than the Rockets, which may still be true, but it's hard to feel like they've gamed the system when Chandler Parsons just walked for nothing after the team turned down a fourth year at $964,000. Probably semantics.)

Chase Budinger, Carl Landry, Parsons, hopefully Isaiah Canaan.

And if Daryl Morey's words about Nick Johnson match the actual output, we may have another plaque in the second round HOF.

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Dre Watch 2014: Andre Johnson Reportedly Spotted at NRG Stadium

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Photo by Groovehouse
The Andre Johnson watch continues.
Where will Andre Johnson be come Friday?

That's the question on every Texan fan's mind as we head toward the end of the week and the beginning of Training Camp 2014. Will he remain away from the team, working out on his own at home? Will he happily just trot out with the wide receivers, get in line and begin drills?

My personal preference: I'm hoping Andre Johnson just sits at the top of the scissor lift in a black trench coat with Crow face paint, à la Sting in WCW 1997, and when the time is right, he drops down from the sky and starts belting the coaching staff and front office with a black plastic bat.

(Have I also mentioned I'm on vacation this week and I'm quite possibly drunk right now?)

Well, if you're looking for any indicators as to how this whole thing plays out, we may have gotten one early this week.

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NFL Rookie QB Update: Mettenberger Sucker-Punched, Manziel Smitten, Madden Ratings Reaction (VIDEO)

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It's in the game.
At the risk of sounding like Chris Berman (which is a horrible risk to take, nonetheless...), there's an old lyric in the Eagles' iconic hit "Hotel California," you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

It rings true for so many things, not the least of which is the status of "SEC football player."

Yeah, you can get drafted into the NFL, you can sign that first contract, attend OTAs and become a full-fledged member of an NFL roster, but to most of the mouth-breathing psychopaths in the SEC footprint, you'll still always be "that moppy haired asshole who plays for our archival."

Zach Mettenberger found this out the hard way.

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Houston Texans Update: Cushing, Nix, T. Williams to PUP List, Brennan Williams Released

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Changes on the eve of camp.
On Friday, everybody reports for team meetings, and come Saturday, it begins.

The Texans' first training camp of the Bill O'Brien era will be under way, and by Saturday morning, we will have confirmation on just how entrenched Andre Johnson is in his stance against the team. That will be the story line that has everyone buzzing on Saturday.

In the meantime, the final pre-camp transactions and decisions are being made, some of which were expected and some of which sound more dire than they actually are.

Here's the latest...

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