"New and Improved" Millennial Cover Letter Not Really New or Improved

Categories: Whatever

millennial-cover-letter.jpg
Says it all.
Getting a job is tough. There is the endless searching of job websites for the right gig, preparing résumés and then the god-awful interview process. Hopefully, the end result is a well-paying job where you can be somewhat satisfied with the hours spent there every week. Everyone agrees that when you're trying to land a job, first impressions go a long way. That means the people who are tasked with sorting through résumés and cover letters need to be impressed enough to pass your information along to people in charge. There is an entire industry filled with people and resources for doing nothing but writing cover letters and organizing résumés, it's such a big deal.

But what if you're a young millennial just looking to score a position and make your way in this world? You don't want to write some plain Jane cover letter that doesn't express just how awesome you are. You want your cover letter to be like a perfect selfie that de-emphasizes the baby fat under your chin, makes your eyes look like those of an anime character and shows enough smile to be friendly but not so much that the person thinks you are from anywhere other than Brooklyn or Portland. How to accomplish such a feat? Fortunately for you, hipster, you have someone named Kat Stromquist to come to your rescue.

Ms. Stromquist decided she was sick of the same old same old and dropped her own new, improved cover letter on the website ThoughtCatalog.com. But is it going to wow new employers? She seems to think so, but I'm not so sure. I truly hope this is sarcasm and, if it is, bravo, Ms. Stromquist. If not...

I've sifted through more than a few cover letters in my day, even helped write some for people. They can get stale and dull. They can be boring or too cutesy. Far too often, they contain buzz phrases that make me want to burn the letter in a fiery volcano along with the applicant, you know because I'm "motivated and proactive." When I came across this cover letter for the new millennial, I tried my best not to roll my eyes repeatedly...and failed. (Appropriately, the photo ThoughtCatalog.com used for the post was a screenshot from the HBO series Girls, which works for me as well.)

Stromquist begins by telling us that she is not going to write a cover letter because she realizes she'll probably just be sent through some employment algorithm anyway. "Instead, I'm going to tell you about myself." Whoa, slow down there. Unless you are the Most Interesting Man in the World or the Dalai Lama or something, I'm not sure I care, but continue.


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3 comments
HTownChowDown
HTownChowDown

The letter is brilliant.

How many of the other entitled millennials will take her suggestions to heart, adapt this pithy cover letter, and immediately disqualify themselves from the job candidate pool? Huck Finn would be proud.


johnatrisk
johnatrisk

Despite all my gall, I am still just a bird in a mall.

Despite all my gall, I am still just a bird in a mall.


Sheereth genius, Jeff.

h_e_x
h_e_x

It's best to avoid thought catalog like the plague. Asinine, narcissistic, and solipsistic drivel. The writers go out of their way to conform to every negative stereotype of millennials.

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