Battle-Drink, NFL Draft 2014: The Johnny Manziel Era Begins
I work at a sports talk radio station that is the flagship for the local NFL team. I am on Twitter for a huge chunk of the day conversing with NFL fans. I talk to my sons (who live in Chicago) on a nightly basis, and they pretty much own Under Armour and NFL jerseys, and that's it.
Hell, my girlfriend is an original Houston Texans season ticket holder, by God. So I am around NFL lovers all day and all night.
And yet to a man (and woman), there's not a single person that I've talked to in the past month who has thought the extra two weeks leading up to the draft this year have been anything but a mind-numbing barrage of smokescreens and useless blather. If the NFL is trying to stretch the calendar out to expand its chronological reach, the strategy is backfiring.
That said, ratings tonight will probably be through the roof, which means we better get used to the blather barrage. There is one solution to all of this -- alcohol.
To that end, I am proud to unveil this year's NFL Draft BATTLE-DRINK BINGO drinking game board.
In some ways, the NFL Draft is even more conducive to a drinking game like BATTLE-DRINK than a regular season NFL game. For one thing, it's much easier to head into a Friday and weekend with a "drinking game hangover" than it is a Monday. Also, there's not the steady fire hose of emotion on draft night that there is during a three-hour football game, so the drunkenness has no chance of spilling over into rage (unless the Texans mess up the first pick in the draft, which is a distinct possibility).
So, be excited, people! Especially if you took Friday off! Also, keep in mind, if you a) value your liver and b) want to stay upright to see the second day of the draft, that you can play alternate versions of the game:
BATTLE-DRINK SIP: Replace all of the non-sip columns (in this case, GULP, CHUG, SHOTGUN, SHOT) with SIP. That should lighten the load. Under this version of the game, your odds of vomiting are scientifically proven to drop from 100 percent to 81.3 percent.
BATTLE-DRINK LIGHT: Make every square just one sip. This will virtually assure you of making it through the entire game, and reduces your odds of vomiting to 47.9 percent. Again, trust me.
Now, onto the game.... (REMINDER: Print the board NOW, and bring copies to your draft party!)