Lessons in Twitter: How NOT to Troll a Radio Personality on Twitter
In case you haven't heard (or don't read the tag at the bottom of each of these posts), I just recently started up at a new job working afternoon drive co-hosting with Rich Lord on SportsRadio 610.
Don't do it.
So far, so good. The show is evolving, and I'm extremely happy with my new employer. CBS (owner of 610 and a handful of other stations in town) is a great place to work, and on top of everything else, I can claim Jim Nantz, David Letterman and the two chicks from Two Broke Girls as coworkers.
Pretty sweet gig!
Now, with a new show on a different station there are a couple of interesting dynamics at work in terms of listenership:
1. The audience is flat-out bigger than at my previous station of employ. Like way, WAY bigger. So there are tens of thousands of people who are hearing me on the radio for the first time as a host, some who seem to like me, and some who don't. All part of radio. If we all liked the same stuff, life would be really boring.
2. SportsRadio 610 is the station that used to carry The Jim Rome Show, which is where I gained my first bit of radio notoriety as a fairly well known caller to Rome's program back between 1997 and 2007, winning his annual Smack-Off (contest to crown the best caller) multiple times. So some of the 610 listeners remember me from the Smack-Off days, which is cool.
(NOTE: It also means I've been getting deluged with questions about being allowed to call the Smack-Off again. Rome had banned me when I began working at my previous station because it was technically a competitor to 610. The answer? Don't know, don't care.)
Now, in 2014, with all of the advances in technology and social media, listeners can tell you directly and publicly what they think of you, and the two bullet points above met in one odd confluence with a random tweet that I got Saturday morning, an apparent former Rome listener who is none too enthralled with my radio game.
Here it is:
@SeanCablinasian your shtick is bombed out and depleted...smack off called ands want it's takes back...— Scott Robinson (@find_clarity) January 11, 2014
Now, haters are never going to go away, so the best thing you can do is embrace the hate. In fact, I'll take it a step further and actually help the haters. Using my new friend Scott Robinson as an example, here are some things not to do when trying to randomly troll a radio personality on Twitter:
5. Words matter, Part 1: "your shtick is bombed out and depleted..."
First of all, I was just happy someone thinks I have "a shtick." Shtick implies that some sort of brand exists amid all of these fan fighting video blog posts and WWE references. So I'm cool with even having a shtick. That said, I don't know that shtick is something that "bombs out." In fact, I don't think "bombed out" is even a saying. And I know shtick isn't something that can be "depleted." You deplete things that are in some sort of supply, like food or gasoline. I don't have a tank of shtick, I don't check my shtick gauge to see how much shtick I have left, and I don't go to the shtick station to fill up my shtick tank. Words matter, people.
4. Words matter, Part 2: "smack off called ands..."
I'll give Scott the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't think "ands" is a word. (Nice of me, I know.) But damn, man, it's only 140 characters. What's the hurry? Somebody gonna steal your epic thoughts on my shtick? Proofread your shit, fool!
3. Words matter, Part 3: "...want it's takes back."
On this one, I won't give Scott the benefit of the doubt. I truly think that he believes that the proper word here is "it's," not "its." I've only known Scott for 100 or so characters on Twitter, but he doesn't strike me as an English language junkie.
2. Find an insult that's been fashionable within the last 15 years
"..smack off called ands want it's takes back.." Seriously? I am a paunchy, bald man who looks like Michael Chiklis's ugly little brother, and that's the best you could do? This is where someday, when Twitter is completely self-aware and running the country like an actual person, it should give people one final warning when they've made a lame joke and ask, "Are you SURE you want to send this tweet?" The "_____ called and wants its ______ back" joke would set this notification off. It would have set it off ten years ago.
1. Reply to a tweet I sent, don't start a tweet string from scratch
Scott's tweet was not a reply to anything I tweeted. He just sat down at his computer or his iPhone and decided to tell me how bombed out and depleted my shtick is -- at 3:53 a.m. on a Friday night. Sitting down and sending an unsolicited insult to somebody on Twitter looks vindictive; sitting down and doing it at four in the morning looks creepy. My recommendation: Find something stupid I tweeted (not hard to do) and just reply to it. If it happens to be four in the morning, wait a few hours or do it after you wake up to go vomit for the third or fourth time. This shouldn't be hard.
Damn, Scott, I just wrote like a thousand words about your dinky little social media wet fart. How did you screw up so much shit in less than 140 characters, man? Your grammar and syntax are bombed out and depleted, bro.