Ted Cruz Has His Own Coloring Book (And It's Glorious)

CruzCover_front.jpg
Really Big Coloring Books
Learn to color outside the lines with Sen. Ted Cruz!

Sen. Ted Cruz is the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, he's usually out there spouting some Tea Party-infused dogma or doing things that you know must make some of the more mainline Republicans want to smack their heads on the table, but Cruz occasionally does things with a twist of fancy that Hair Balls can't help but smile over. Hey, no matter what you thought of the great "Green Eggs and Ham" non-filibuster, at least it was entertaining. Now he's got his very own coloring book.

You read that right: If you've ever thought that Ted Cruz needed some color, or maybe a funny mustache, devil horns, purple polka dots or what have you, there is now a way to make that dream a reality. Folks, there is now a Ted Cruz coloring book.

The book, called "The Cruz to the Future," was created by Really Big Coloring Books Inc., a Missouri-based company known for creating large (go figure) and sometimes controversial coloring books on political topics, including "Yes We Did: President Barack Obama 2008," "The Tea Party Coloring Book for Kids" and "Being Gay Is Okay with Gay Sharing Cards 2013."

The Cruz coloring book was created without any endorsement from Cruz or his camp, according to the company website. And their motives are pure, according to the website, because this book "is a non-partisan, fact-driven view of how Texas Sen. Rafael Edward 'Ted' Cruz became a U.S. senator, and details, through his quotes and public information his ideas for what he believes will help America grow."

They want to educate with coloring. That's all, folks. If you've a hankering to purchase the book for little ones or for your own coloring amusement, there are six actual coloring book pages that just so happen to go over Cruz's platform in terms so simple a kindergartner could almost understand them.

Cruz is introduced on page one, doing that weird non-smiling smile politicians use in their political head shots. He's for limited government, economic growth and the Constitution, according to the caption. (which works out well since we're pretty sure the Tea Party won't hang out with him if he's not) On page three, Cruz is shown in huntin' gear holding a gun, because he's for Second Amendment rights, unlike the President, the caption states.

However, our favorite page is the one on the non-filibuster filibuster. Sadly, they don't quote Dr. Seuss (copyright issue?), but The Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, "is worse than any war," the lengthy caption notes, among other things. The caption isn't actually as long as the transcript of Cruz's speechifying, but what it lacks in length it makes up for in gushing. The caption recounts Cruz's marathon of talking to oppose Obamacare in breathless detail: "Speaking with clairvoyant precision, it was as if Ted could see the immediate future of the quickly approaching Obama Care [sic] disaster."

Then it all closes on the last page with a full body shot of Cruz doing a ├╝ber-cool double finger point while asking the readers (colorers?) to hold Cruz to account. What do you want Cruz to do for your family, the caption reads. There is room on there to write your own list of things or "nothing" if you're so inclined. The whole book can be yours for $4.99, and just in time for Christmas.


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1 comments
Puller58
Puller58

Every time I see a picture of Cruz I expect to hear Charles Nelson Reilley's voice coming of his mouth.

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