Houston's Five Funniest Crimes of 2013

Categories: Crime

You know the other bank robbers are making fun of the teddy bear guy.
3. The Teddy Bear Bandit.

There used to be a rather disturbing cartoon called "The Teddy Bear Picnic." Well, if they ever want to make a slightly more grown up version of creepy, we recommend taking a look at the Teddy Bear Bandit, as he was dubbed by the FBI. This guy, who we're assuming must be a furries fan, took the whole fetish to a whole new level when he wore a teddy bear costume to rob the J.P. Morgan Chase Bank located at 4165 FM 1960 West back in June. It makes a certain kind of sense, really. You're already robbing a bank, why not rob it in a bear suit?

2. No fire here, officers, but there IS $4 million of weed.

According to the Harris County Sheriff's Department, deputies responded to a house fire call, complete with possible shots fired and everything, and found exactly nothing. Not a trace of smoke. Not a gunshot heard. Well, there were more than 1,000 marijuana plants in the house (they went in to check for possible victims.) We have to say that if the precious time of law enforcement must be wasted on responding to stupid non-call calls about fake fires, may they always find a whole bunch of marijuana. Or maybe clowns, but that would probably be more creepy than hilarious.

1. Drugs, shoplifting, really stupid decisions, all brought to you by HISD employees.

HISD employees win all the ponies for the sheer amount of illegal things they've ended up in cop cars arrested for this year. There are a few basic things you learn if you go into education. First, when a student is even possibly-maybe being abused, you report it. You are liable for having information and not speaking up so you damn well report it, as the trio of administrators at Sharpstown High School have learned. Then there was the whole alleged shoplifting incident that left a principal banned from a mall for life. And speaking of basic educator common sense, let's say you're an administrator at one of the largest school districts in the country. If you are, you don't do drugs. You just don't, because it's illegal and more importantly it is both incredibly embarrassing (it makes that whole bit where you danced on stage at the D.A.R.E. program look both ridiculous and hypocritical) and career ending. So it's best just not to do them, but if you choose to go against all reason, don't go over to Alabama with a bunch of cocaine and marijuana in your car, like Dana Bost, then-HISD chief of high schools, and her fiance, Ronald Rodriguez, then-principal of Wheatley High School, back in October. The pair were arrested and charged with felony drug possession for having marijuana and cocaine in their rental car. They are now without their jobs.

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How much do you want to bet the cops themselves reported the "fire" in example number two so they could have probable cause to enter the house?


Possession of illegal drugs is a victimless crime. How is that funny?


Three school employees failing to report sexual abuse is the funniest Houston crime of 2013?

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