Katherine Webb Makes Sweet Love To A Cheeseburger In New Carl's Jr. Ad
Burger chain Carl's Jr. has a new concoction out called the Buffalo Blue Cheese Burger. It's 32 grams of fatty goodness that is about the size of a car battery, and honestly I would theorize that the only thing that looks tastier than the Buffalo Blue Cheese Burger is Katherine Webb eating the Buffalo Blue Cheese Burger.
Carl's Jr. knows this and put my theory to the test:
Let's do a super mini Zapruder on this jumbo monstrosity of a burger commercial...
0:01 -- GENERIC TEAM AND GAME ALERT! It's yet another classic between the PSCU whatchamacallits and the LTLU whoziewhatsits. It's 21-20 with less than a minute to go in the "Division Championship." Even though there's not a single collegiate division that has a championship game.
0:04 -- "And there is Miss Katherine Webb..." Apparently, that's their Brent Musberger doppelgänger, who sounds more like Kasey Kasem meets "generic voiceover guy."
0:05 -- The LTLU whoziewhatits have the cursive L that used to adorn Penny Marshall's sweaters in Laverne and Shirley. So we know that in the backstory of this commercial Katherine Webb has moved to the West Coast, because that shit would never play in the SEC.
0:08 -- The burger is the size of Katherine Webb's head. Also, do they have a Carl's Jr. inside the stadium or did she sneak it in there? Am I taking this commercial too seriously?
0:10 -- Oops! She dribbled a little bit of buffalo wing sauce on her jersey! You know what that means! Off with the jersey! Time to eat this bad boy topless, which I have no problem with. In the last ten years, I've eaten fast food roughly 4,000 times and I think approximately 3,781 of those times have been shirtless.
0:15 -- Close up of her inserting blue cheese into her mouth, tongue shot included. Subtle.
0:20 -- Licks wing sauce off of her fingers. Super subtle.
0:22 -- Sweaty cleavage. Because...sweaty cleavage.
0:24 -- Bent over on her knees to get the soda that is apparently underneath the seat next to her. Super duper subtle.
0:25 -- Rubs ice cube along her neck. You know, because it's
a reference to 9 1/2 Weeks hot outside.
0:33 -- Um, now she's spraying herself with a mist fan. Nothing from nothing, but she's been holding this burger for like thirty seconds and has taken one bite. If it's so damn good, then why aren't you eating it, Katherine?
0:34 -- More sweaty cleavage. Because...um...buffalo blue cheese.
0:35 -- Wing sauce on her inner calf, which them gets licked off of her finger. Super duper, great googily moogily subtle.
0:39 -- Apparently, this is all taking place on the jumbotron, which shouldn't result in any awkward conversations at all between kids at the game and their parents. I will say that Webb Burger Cam beats the shit out of Kiss Cam. Now if we could somehow work Dee Dee Bonner into the mix....
It really is a shame what Brent Musberger has done to this poor girl.
(h/t Awful Advertisements)
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