Miley Cyrus, Ted Cruz: Last-Second Halloween Advice on Avoiding Costume Hell
Maybe you've made it this far without totally blowing your Halloween costume and enjoying the newest tradition of the holiday, going viral.
And some things you just should know without being told.
But tonight's the big night. Can you make it without entering Costume Hell, not to mention the Ninth Circle of Costume Hell?
Miley, We Wish We Hardly Knew Ye
Costume Hell: Any outfit that makes any reference to twerking.
Ninth Circle: Dressing your toddler with a twerking reference.
Costume Hell: "No, you can't have one of these beers -- they're the 'six' in my "Pick Six' Matt Schaub costume!! See, here's a -- now where did I put that toothpick -- hold on, hold on....Where are you going? Wait!"
Ninth Circle: And don't go as Case Keenum, unless you're looking forward to eventually storing the uniform next to that killer David Carr outfit.
"Me, an annoying nerd? No, I'm supposed to be Ted Cruz!! Get it?"
Costume Hell: Sure, you can show up at the party looking uptight and then act in an extremely annoying manner, but if the "Ted Cruz" idea has already occurred to you, you've got the kind of personality that's going to result in your annoying "act" leaving people why you're just being yourself for Halloween.
Ninth Circle: Any Cruz/filibuster outfit. Believe us, if you find yourself explaining how those things pinned on your clothes signify "filibuster," you're not the life of the party.
Reality Show Characters
Costume Hell: Any Real Housewife, from any area -- no one wants to be around someone who suddenly feels free to let her inner bitch out.
Ninth Circle: If the character in question comes from a show with the word "Duck" in the title, just assume there will be someone else sporting a cheap beer and inaccurate accent too.