Finally, Gary Kubiak Is Right. It's on Him.

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Photo by Groovehouse
Time to trade in your ride, Kubes.
In between not one but two live NFL games on Sunday night and one cross-country flight on Monday, I had plenty of time these last couple of days to think about the current state of the Houston Texans.

And as they sit amid the charred, barely recyclable remnants of what was, at one time, viable Super Bowl aspirations, still one of the most talented teams in the league but completely and hopelessly stuck in first gear, I think it boils down to this:

Imagine, if you will, that you own a car. It's not a souped-up sports car or a rugged SUV, it's just one of those four-wheels-and-an-engine jobbies whose sole purpose is to make sure that you get to work, get the kids to soccer practice and go buy a few groceries. If it successfully gets you to your destination, it's done its job.

You're basically driving, like, a Dodge Caravan. With me so far?

Okay, now imagine that one day, this Dodge Caravan, which has been sufficient enough for you the last seven years, all of a sudden breaks down in traffic. Conks out, damn near causes a 12-car pileup. And not just in the turn lane on an intersection in, say, Memorial, but in the middle lane of the 610 Loop in the middle of rush hour.

Your friends would probably say, "Man, Gary, that sucks. Oh well, you probably got about as much out of that Dodge Caravan as you could. Might be time to junk that thing. Hope you're okay, bro."

In other words, that minivan blows. We feel for you; it's the car's fault.

Now imagine that the following week it happens again at the worst possible time. The Dodge Caravan busts a water hose and overheats right in the middle of two lanes on the Hardy Toll Road. Maybe your friends say, "Damn, Gary, twice in two weeks! That's the worst luck anybody could have with a minivan! That thing blows. I'd try something new, if I were you."

In other words, it's still the minivan's fault.

Now imagine for the third consecutive week, you're driving the kids to a really important game (against a team hypothetically called the "Seahawks"), and the electronics on the Dodge Caravan (which neighbors are now ridiculing you for having even more than they normally would for having a Dodge Caravan) completely shit the bed, the cruise control won't turn off and you hit a car in the oncoming lane (a car driven, coincidentally, by Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks).

Your friends are, at first, worried that you're okay, and they begin to openly wonder why you're still driving that thing. In other words, yeah, the car fucked up royally, but damn, man, this thing is putting you in harm's way. Stop being a fool, Gary!

Now imagine for the fourth consecutive week that you're pulling out of your driveway, and before you even get into the street, the engine explodes and you're sitting in a minivan that is on fire (with all of your neighbors, coincidentally dressed in 49ers jerseys, pointing and laughing at you).

Four straight weeks the Dodge Caravan has royally screwed you. Four straight weeks.

Now your friends say, "Dude, what the hell are you doing? Get a different fucking car already! Sure, it'll be costly. Sure, you're attached to the ol' Dodge Schaubavan...I mean, Caravan, but shit, you've got a family to think about! You've got kids, good kids, 52 of them, to think about!"

In other words, now you're the idiot, Gary, for getting behind the wheel of what is clearly a mobile chamber of death.

Here's my point (in addition to making fun of grown men forced to drive minivans)...

With every failure, someone is to blame. As messy and uncomfortable as pointing that out can be at times, it's just a fact. Nothing is totally random, bad things are usually preventable.

In football, for better or worse, the quarterback often gets a disproportionate amount of the blame when things go wrong (and likewise, credit when things go well), but make no mistake, Matt Schaub was to blame for each and every one of those four pick sixes that he's tossed the last month of this downward spiral of a season.


However, there comes a point where you have to accept that the continually failing entity, the rightful target of blame to that point (in this case, Schaub), is just that -- that entity is failing, and to continue its use is not only the definition of insanity, but unfair and irresponsible to those who rely upon you for sound decision making.

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Puller58 topcommenter

What might make a better case for why the Texans are blowing right now is the fact that once John Elway retired in Denver, (And Kubiak was coaching.)  every quarterback that took his place could NOT get the Broncos back to the Super Bowl.  Quarterbacks are the keystone of any NFL franchise.  Would the Texans go all the way with a better QB?  Maybe, but it's too late for this year.

Howard Wesley Stewart
Howard Wesley Stewart

And this is why they will continue to watch the rest of the playoffs and Superbowl from a sports bar or home along with the rest of Houston's teams I'm sick of watching good talent get flushed down the crapper every year for all the wrong reasons

Susan Fehrman Garcia
Susan Fehrman Garcia

Let's not just talk about it anymore...let it rest and just be fans again.

Greg Feczko
Greg Feczko

they both need to go.. and that crappy kicker whose name I don't know. All 3. *sigh*


Schaub needs to be either benched or traded (if possible) not only for the Texans' good, but for his and his family's as well.  Before idiots start showing up at his front door threatening him and his.

Whoops.  Too late.  Already happened.


I read this headline at the Chronicle and almost choked on my breakfast taco:

"Benching Schaub Worth the Risk"


I have never liked Schaub as quarterback.  Never, not once.  However, since there is almost universal condemnation for Schaub (save some Texan cheerleaders like cough Steph cough), it wouldn't surprise me to see him have a great performance against the Rams this weekend, and maybe the week after, cementing him in place as starting QB for this year.


The one thing I will say is that who saw the Texans as better than 2-3 right now anyway?  The schedule definitely spoke of losing to the Ravens on the road and to two teams that are better, the Seahawks and the 49ers.  The main reason they are all better? Starts and ends with Kubiak and Schaub.  This whole "Super Bowl" favorites was a myth from the start.

So to further the analogy, not only does Kubes have a hard on for his Schaubavan, he loaded up the kids (the city of Houston) and told them they were all headed to Disneyworld, knowing the wheels were going to fall off before they got to Baytown.  The used car salesman Rick Smith also was smart enough to finance the Shaubavan over 7 years with 15% interest.


So if Gary leaves the mini van in the garage, does he decide to drive the TJ Yugo or the Case Cadillac.


This analogy had me laughing out loud at the office.   


Schaub is entering into territory reserved for the truly tragic, territory sadly not unseen before in H-Town; q.v. Brad Lidge.  Also also see Chuck Knoblauch.  Greg Norman.  

Of course, the rest of those guys were once GREAT.  Schaub never got better than good.

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