ChristianSwingers.com Lets You Get Freaky for Jesus

Categories: Tech

christian-swingers.jpg
Those blurry Christians are HOT!
There is this group of women who believe that if they only have anal sex, they are still virgins. Apparently, Jesus doesn't recognize sex unless your hymen is disturbed. I think it is written in Leviticus. Well, now we have a whole new ball of candle wax on the nipples to deal with in the form of ChristianSwingers.com, a Web site that promotes the swinging lifestyle for those who love the Lord (and if swinging for the Lord is wrong, I don't wanna be right!).

"Meet local Christian swingers who believe that an open and honest relationship with each other will keep any marriage fresh and exciting," is what the site says. It doesn't happen to mention the whole sleeping with other people while married is essentially shattering both the seventh and tenth commandments. Do it on a Sunday and the fourth is toast. If she (or he, that kinky bastard) yells "Oh, God!" in the throes of passion, the third goes right out the window as well.

But, hey, don't be a judge, Mr. Judgey Von Judgerstein. That's un-Christian! Just look at what it says on the site:

For Christian Swingers things are not easy -- often other religious people judge you, out of ignorance or envy, telling you that your lifestyle and love practices are wrong. But the Bible teaches us 'Judge not lest ye be judged' and there's that verse about the first stone...

God also told us to never shave, never eat shellfish, to keep slaves and a whole bunch of other stuff that is ridiculous, so why pay attention to the stuff that doesn't fit your "lifestyle?" I mean, homosexuals are against nature? Please! Wait, I'm being told ChristianSingles.com is only for heterosexuals. Good thing "Thou shalt use logic" isn't a commandment. I suppose that should be reserved for VulcanSwingers.com.

But, if you are still interested...

It's designed to cater to the needs of those like you: devout Christian couples who still want to have an active love life and share it with another, in good faith!

See how they used "faith" there, like it's a good thing to be faithful to each other while you are practicing deviant sexual behavior and basically worshipping the devil. That's creative writing at its finest.

Hey, I have no problem if you and your chubby husband want to get your freak on with the neighbors and you both happen to go to the same Methodist church, but let's not try to wedge Jesus into this mix. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to know about your sexual proclivities either.

My Voice Nation Help
24 comments
nitrogoped
nitrogoped

i just had to write one of my favorites JUST 1(ONE)...1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Or don't you know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals,nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God.Such were some of you, but you were washed. But you were sanctified. But you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and in the Spirit of our God...So i ask if those who confess to know CHRIST CONTINUE IN SEXUAL IMMORALITY AND HAVE NOT BEEN WASHED FROM THE SEXUAL IMMORALITY BY THE POWER OF GOD AND IF THE SEXUALLY IMMORAL DO NOT ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD..What kingdom will they enter?


Andy Gerard
Andy Gerard

The call to purity is the most mocked aspect of Christianity !

Michael Terry
Michael Terry

Well. Anybody can call themselves a Christian. They do it every Sunday for a couple of hours and feel that's payment enough for them to sin the rest of the week.

Nicole Summers
Nicole Summers

FC2-4utexas. Get ur equality on. Get ur condom on.

wordlover
wordlover

I now have a strong urge to go to confession for reading this.  Seriously, wtf???

Phillip Byron
Phillip Byron

Jesus freaks need love too. They get tired of the same piece off ass year after year. Live and let live.

Juli Morrison
Juli Morrison

Bahahaha. That headline made me giggle and snort

Zac Elizondo
Zac Elizondo

Smh...I don't think I'm reading this one...

NewsDog
NewsDog

Is sex with a man, a woman and Jesus the ultimate threesome?

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...