The Ten Worst People in Houston Traffic
Over at Gawker, they did a piece on the ten worst people on the subway. I've been to New York enough to recognize at least some of the things they mentioned. I can't imagine the hell it must be using that to get to work every day, but then again, I live in Houston, a place where commuters spend hours of their lives every week in a car sitting behind other drivers just to get to work.
Photo by TexasDarkHorse via Flickr
I'm not sure which is better, which is why, when Art Director Monica Fuentes sent me the Gawker link and suggested something similar might be great to write about for Houston, traffic made the perfect foil. Just last month, I wrote an open letter to drivers at the 59/610 interchange. It seemed to resonate with a lot of you and I can certainly relate. So, with a nod to the folks at Gawker, here are Houston's top 10 worst people in Houston traffic. It may not be the subway, but our traffic has a special ring of hell all to itself.
People who weave in and out of traffic searching for the fastest lane.
This does not work. Trust me. And, believe me when I say that there are few things more satisfying than when I pass you because you moved into a slow lane. Unless there is a wreck or something blocking the lane you are in, just pick one and stay there.
People who don't turn right on red from the right lane on a street with three or more lanes.
If you do not intend to turn right at a light on a street that has three or more lanes, you better have a damn good reason for keeping all the people with the flashing blinkers behind you waiting. The only acceptable reason is that you are turning IMMEDIATELY after the light. I might give you 150 yards of cushion, but that better be it.
People who ride your bumper.
Seriously, why the hell do you do this? In my spiteful, petty little world, I feel a great desire to simply slow down to a point where any potential accident would cause the least damage possible. It's reasonable in bumper-to-bumper traffic to be close behind me, but if you are so close to me that you can read the station numbers off my radio and traffic is moving, you are way too freaking close. Get into another lane.
Slow drivers in the fast lane.
Pretty much everyone hates you. I'm sorry, but they do. If you have to drive slower than most, that's completely fine. Just don't do it in the left lane...ever, especially when traffic finally gets moving and all everyone wants to do is just GO.
People who don't pay attention at red lights.
There is an etiquette to when you are allowed to tap...TAP...your horn at a person who has lost all sense of time and space at a red light. Count to three and then lightly tap your horn once. At this point, I think we can all forgive you. But, if you don't respond, you are threatening the very fabric of civilized society. If we miss the light because you sat there so long staring at your phone or whatever you are doing, I'm fairly certain the law allows me to have you arrested or simply killed.