Zapruder Analysis of Chad Johnson's Courtroom Ass Slap (w/ VIDEO)

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I don't care how funny you think you are, there are just certain times and places you don't joke around.

At or near the top of the list of places that you should back-burner any playfulness or boyish antics is when a judge is in the process of going easy on you for violation of your probation in a domestic abuse case (a female judge, no less!). Who hasn't been there before? Am I right, guys?...Huh?...Right?

Anyway, at that point, awaiting leniency, there are four words that should be in your vocabulary:

Yes. No. Thank you.

That's it.

Of all the people to have to try and keep their vocabulary to four words and quell the desire for "antics," Chad Johnson is perhaps the least equipped human being. Like least equipped out of everybody. Like, out of the whole human race. So when it came time to just accept a plea bargain and be on his way, the "soon-to-be jailbird formerly known as Ochocinco" couldn't help himself.

Here is the incredible video footage live from the courtroom:

Let's get to the Zapruder for this, it shouldn't take long...

There are only a few cast members of this video that you need to know:

CHAD JOHNSON, Former NFL receiver and soon to be bunkmate for The Sisters
ADAM SWICKLE, Johnson's attorney
KATHLEEN MCHUGH, Broward County circuit judge
SECURITY GUARDS, as themselves

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3 comments
Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg topcommenter

May I suggest Alan Prendergast in Denver at the WestWord ? His work WILL be quoted before the U.S. Congress !

Houston - Sean P.

Denver - Alan P.

BOTH, great writers !!!

grandmasbaby
grandmasbaby

Not conforming is a bitch. Great video for all the people who have found a way to deal with a stressful situation and be punished for it. Free country? No. A more free country than many other countries? yes. It's all relative. That's why other countries aren't allowed to be too successful. 3rd world countries extinguish any legitimate complaints from people here. 

Steve_Newton
Steve_Newton like.author.displayName 1 Like

Zapruder analysis of me reading this post: laughed out loud 16.2 seconds at "on behalf of Paul Tagliabue, who probably watched this video and cracked open a bottle of "special occasion" scotch."

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