Summer of Johnny: Looks Like the Haters Got to Manziel

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Every hero has his setbacks. Nothing is forever, and no story is just a perpetual arrow pointing upward, with puppy dogs and gumdrops (or, in this case, bikini-clad coeds and Jell-O shots) 24 by 7.

Rocky had to get his brains splattered by Clubber Lang one time, Luke Skywalker had to get his hand chopped off by Darth Vader (Happy fucking Father's Day!), and even Arnold wound up in the bicycle shop with Mr. Carlson for a little while on Diff'rent Strokes before getting the hell out of there. (Dudley wasn't so lucky.)

This weekend, it would appear at least (details are a tad sketchy), we hit our first pothole in the cavalcade of Patron, tail, golf and bay fishing that is the Summer of Johnny.


It started with this tweet:

My response to this tweet:

Walk a day in your shoes?

As best I can tell in cobbling together a rough schedule from his Twitter, Instagram and Vine accounts, here is what an agenda of a day in Johnny Manziel's shoes looks like:

6:57 a.m. Wake up
7:00 a.m. Golf at [fill in name of exclusive private course here]
12:01 p.m. Beach
12:03 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:06 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:14 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:21 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:24 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:31 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:34 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:42 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:48 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:51 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
12:59 p.m. BODY SHOTS!
4:15 p.m. Country music video
5:30 p.m. Shower (and depending on with whom...um, BODY SHOTS!)
7:05 p.m. Courtside, bitches!
10:30 p.m. Lots and lots of free shit...free food, free booze, free poon, just...FREE!
1:30 a.m. Use the right arm of the Heisman as a sex toy

I guess what I'm asking, Johnny, is, "Are you taking reservations for that walk in your shoes?" because if you are, I'm guessing that I have to just keep pounding redial until I get through to your reservation specialist. Unless there's something awful going on in Johnny's life that somehow hasn't drifted into the 24-hour news cycle that follows him around in perpetuity, I'm going to guess that the list of people who would trade a thousand days of their own to walk one day in Johnny Manziel's shoes looks like this:

1. Every heterosexual male

That is all.

At this point in our saga, we are still not sure what set our possibly booze addled hero off, but it apparently got worse.

Later that night, 1:38 a.m. (in whatever time zone this screen cap took place), Johnny posted this tweet, which has since been deleted, but you can see at the top of this post.

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5 comments
John Sczykutowicz
John Sczykutowicz

A&M will be on probation in 3 years. How does a college kid get NBA Finals Tickets, play Pebble Beach and take batting practice with the Padres? Just a few of the things he's gotten to do. Preferential treatment anyone?

Albert Nurick
Albert Nurick

His life does sound amazing ... until you realize the poor SOB is in College Station. I'll bet he's wishing he didn't hang up on USC, Miami or UT right about now.

Lott Hall
Lott Hall

He was only telling the truth about College Station

Robyn Twangeaux
Robyn Twangeaux

You know that is exactly what he is thinking. Get your education son.

Daniel McCrary
Daniel McCrary

Sumlin should bench his ass for a couple of games.

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