Summer of Johnny: Manziel Says, "Get Your Guns Up!"
As best I can tell, having been a citizen (like all of us) on Planet Manziel (better known as Earth) for the better part of six months now, really dating back to his circus touchdown pass to Ryan Swope against Alabama, new and exciting chapters in the Adventures of Johnny Football generally involve some combination of the following:
1. Other famous people
2. Some sort of gesture designed to troll an entire college's fan base
3. Blond women
4. Brunette women
5. Really just lots and lots of women
The latest episode of the Summer of Johnny involves most of those things (For the record, I didn't notice any brunettes, but we are nitpicking here.), as it would appear that Johnny was off to New Braunfels for a Memorial Day weekend of frivolity, food and some live music from the Josh Abbott Band!
The following ensued:
Johnny went to the show and met two lovely young Texas Tech sorority sisters, one of whom was named Kelsey Weatherman (you can find this loveliest of lovelies on Twitter @kelsweatherman). Apparently, they were backstage at the Josh Abbott Band show, and it just so happens that "meeting Johnny Manziel" was on the short list when it comes to "bucket list" items for Kelsey:
(NOTE: If "meeting Johnny Manziel" is on your list of life-completion items, just know that if you're at a concert or sporting event that he's at and you're anywhere other than backstage or in the first row, then you're doing it wrong.)
If you're on someone's "die happy" list, you're in a pretty good place, and when that someone is a voluptuous blond coed, then you're freaking special. Johnny Football is special. Johnny Football makes women die happy. He's the anti-O.J. Simpson.
The Heisman Trophy has come a long way in 45 years.
After this came the trolling. We all remember Johnny's Texas Longhorn tattoo in Cabo, right? Well, in adding Big XII pelts to his wall, JFF added the Texas Tech Red Raiders to the list:
HEY A&M we already took your coach... Look whose next!!! You get those guns up Johnny Manziel instagram.com/p/Zx8JJ_pDlR/— Kelsey Weatherman (@kelsweatherman) May 26, 2013
On the surface, it would look like Johnny is almost trolling his own fan base, but the Aggies appear to have enough Manziel self-awareness now to know that all these gestures do is give an opposing fan base (in this case, Texas Tech) a moment in the sun before handing them cab fare and telling them to pancake their ass back to Lubbock (or Austin...or Waco...or...).
So we've checked off trolling, we've checked off blonds, MULTIPLE blonds, how about famous people?
Well, I don't know how famous Bri Bagwell is (apparently, she's a singer), but she did get Johnny to wear a sparkle headband (Why would Johnny do this? Well, she does have a vagina.):
And then came the requisite Vine from the tour bus:
I'm going to go ahead and assume there was alcohol in those red Solo cups on the table.
Johnny Football checklist complete.
(h/t Busted Coverage)
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