How Many Freaking Clicks Does It Take To Read A Forbes Listicle? You'll Be Amazed
You see it on Twitter -- a Huffington Post tweet saying Forbes has released yet another click-bait list, this time of the "best cities for young professionals."
Your finger will be throbbing with pain before you're done.
You know you shouldn't, but you click just to check quickly to see if your city is included.
You soon learn you are dealing with Forbes, and that means they are going to milk every last goddamn click possible out of your "quick check."
How many can they get? Let us count the ways, and the clicks:
1. Your first click takes you to a story by Jacqueline Smith, which outlines at some length just what "best cities for young professionals" means. Turns out it means places where young professionals are not morbidly depressed.
At the bottom of the story is a link saying "In Photos: The 10 Cities With the Happiest Young Professionals." At last! Time to get some answers!!
2. Oh, you naive little click machine. Forbes is far from done messing with you. At this point you get an ad for Forbes. You can sit through it or -- wait for it -- click to continue.
Determined to get the name of at least one city on this alleged list, you plow ahead and click, ready to see a name revealed.
3. Not quite. Your click takes you to an introductory picture, which accompanies text which explains what the list is supposed to be about, apparently answering any questions left over from the story.
Confident that it is humanly impossible to run into any more text explaining the story, you click.
4. And get the name of exactly one city: San Jose.
5, So you click again, to find San Francisco.
6. Washington, D.C.
7.Chicago. All of these are accompanied by very nice pictures, by the way. But by this point carpal tunnel is attacking your throbbing clicking finger, the pain something you have to store away in your epic quest to have a bogus question answered by Forbes.
8. San Diego.
9. Riverside, California, some census MMSA thsat usually shows up, for both good and bad reasons, on these listicles.
10. Philadelphia. You can't click much more, but there can't be many more clicks, can there?
11. Houston!!! In eighth place!! Mission motherfucking accomplished, bee-yatches!!!
And your reward? This total amount of information: "Bliss score: 3.83."
You're gonna have to click back to find out just what the hell a "bliss score" is, suckah.