Take That, Canada! Soccer Nerd Chants at USA-Canada Game
Last night's soccer game between the U.S. Men's team and Canada's Men's Team was a little slow, admittedly, but fans seated in Section 113 got to experience fanatic behavior at its most bizarre. Well bizarre in terms of a man with a limited vocabulary and an odd view of what constitutes a good insult.
Margaret Downing Soccer Nerd Insults 101
A set of three young gentlemen who stood for most if not all of the first half were led by a tall blond kid who centered most of his vitriol on the Canada keeper, Simon Thomas, Number 22. Thomas, who didn't have a whole lot to handle in the first half, failed to acknowledge his detractor or his two compatriots, one of whom also chimed in from time to time.
The chants started with a basic warm-up: "Number 22, you suck!" "You suck, Number 22!
This was delivered in a deep voiced scream, over and over and over again. (Apparently the trio didn't realize this was a "friendly" game and that it meant absolutely nothing to any standings.)
Next up: Fashion.
"Canada! You're plain! You're so plain! Look at your uniforms! They're white with little red lettering! They're plain and boring!"
Then: The basic Canadian persona.
"You're boring! Boring Canadians!"
Then a right turn: The Canadian health care system.
"Canada! Your socialized health care system is boring!"
On to: Back-up players
Back up players from the Canada team came downfield and settled behind the endline to warm up. They could not be left alone.
"Look at you! You never get any exercise!"
Back to: The goalie.
"Number 22! You suck! You'll never be Number 23!"
And then: language and cultural backgrounds
"Look at you! Some of you are French Canadians!
Crescendo right before the end of the first half: Music and celebrity.
"Hey Canada! Taylor Swift's dating an American! What do you think of that?"
Of course we were all waiting to see what new insights the second half would bring, but alas the trio did not return to their seats. Either there was simply nothing else to say to Canada, or the three guys had switched sides with the change of field in continued pursuit of Number 22, Simon Thomas, and the rest of those Canadians.