Okay, Who's Been Slipping Bible Tracts into Our Papers?

Categories: Texas

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"And, lo, the Brothers Doobie sayeth unto the Philistines, 'Jesus is just alright with me. Jesus is just alright, oh yeah."
We were surprised to find out today that, when He's in Houston, Jesus Christ utilizes the Oak Forest Post Office for all his mailing needs -- or at least one of His disciples does. Some evangelical person, worried about how this week's Houston Press cover story on athiesm would affect readers' mortal souls, inserted a slip of paper with Bible verses into nearly 50 copies of the paper in two boxes outside that post office.

"GOD LOVES YOU," it reads in part. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life [sic]."

We asked a postal employee if she or any other employees noticed anyone lurking about the boxes -- someone possibly wearing a flowing white robe and flip-flops, and perhaps levitating -- but she said no one noticed anyone unusual.

This is the first time in memory that someone has felt compelled to slip a note inside the paper, and on one hand, we're kind of flattered that someone took the time to do so. On the other hand, it's rather obnoxious.

We've asked local law enforcement to dust for prints and search for trace DNA evidence, but we're not too optimistic. For one thing, The Messiah's prints might not even be on file. In the meantime, we'll read up on the instructions for "HOW TO BECOME A GOOD CHRISTIAN." (Hint: "attend a good bible believing church [sic].") And then we'll grab a beer.

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24 comments
giambo
giambo

Christopher Hitchens was a pretty great atheist; the goofiness, and actual harm, of religion stands in spotlight in his later writings.

H_e_x
H_e_x

Now that's just adorable.

vonBingen
vonBingen

I have a friend on FB who was recently asking for recommendations on "Scripture", as if it would contain some great overlooked truth that couldn't be found elsewhere. Truly weird.

miss_msry
miss_msry

If you are going to tag a story, you might want to spell ATHEISM correctly.

SgtStedenko
SgtStedenko

I usually just throw away the whole stack instead.

The HP releasing it's rag with some dumb,misleading heathen cover right before Christmas. How utterly typical.

NealVanDuyle
NealVanDuyle

About as obnoxious as the athiests who just can't seem to go on with their life in peace and ignore religion.

Anse
Anse

You should read the Bible. Quite a few Christians don't. Personally, I don't like to disagree with something until I know what it is.

comstone
comstone

@SgtStedenko Don't conflate atheism with heathenism -- try reading and learn the difference. And while at it, learn to spell check.

Though not an atheist, I'm becoming more and more sympathetic to their level of tolerance, compared to the increasingly ignorant-of-their-own-beliefs pseudo-Christians who insist upon forcing their beliefs on everyone else around. The level of hypocrisy among pseudo-Christians seems to be increasing, or perhaps I'm just becoming more aware. Either way, what some poseurs flaunt as Christianity is certainly foreign to the simple message of love, peace, tolerance, and humility once taught by a man from Nazareth.

golyadkin
golyadkin

 Believe me, we'd LOVE to ignore religion. The problem is it won't ignore us. Once religious people stop pushing their religion on us and our classrooms and on our laws, we'll be happy to do what we really would like to do: live our lives without being bothered by religion.

Anse
Anse

We're trying to make the nation into one in which religion can be ignored, but you guys keep wanting to plaster Bible verses all over our government buildings, and it's difficult. But I'd be happy with a smaller, simpler compromise: can you please wait until at least noon before knocking on my door on a Saturday? That way you won't have to ignore my bad mood.

SgtStedenko
SgtStedenko

You think I care what you are becoming? Zzzz

Oh and don't even try to claim they're tolerant. That is a lie.

SgtStedenko
SgtStedenko

LOOK AT US! LOOK AT US!!! -rolling eyes-

SgtStedenko
SgtStedenko

I'm going to go put my rubber boots on, it's getting really deep in here. BRB

golyadkin
golyadkin

Most atheists are tolerant. Far more so than most so-called "Christians," especially here in the South. I would like to point to the fact that your opening comment on this article is needlessly rude and aggressive. No atheist started anything with you, you just went straight in with the insults. Atheists don't seek out fights, and generally just want to be left alone by religion. We do pipe up when you start attacking us, though. Kindly try and not confuse "standing up for ourselves" with "attacking you." You're free to believe whatever you like, just don't try to force it on the rest of us. And please stop calling us heathens for not believing in your particular version of a deity. It's not very nice.

Fluerie
Fluerie

@SgtStedenko Probably good for your cleaning business though, I'll bet...Kind of a bloodbath.

SgtStedenko
SgtStedenko

The election taught us all to never underestimate gullible fools in large numbers.

vonBingen
vonBingen

@SgtStedenko Hey USA1 ...welcome back friend! Thought the election results had done you in. Glad to see you're still sulking about something, heathenism, of all things, lol

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