Guns in Schools: State Representative Debbie Riddle, Armed Teachers = Safe Schools

riddle-dirty-harry.jpg
Go ahead, make her day.
Hair Balls had been withholding our decision on the whole "should teachers bring guns to school" debate until we heard from State Rep. Debbie Riddle, who we've always considered a spiritual guide; a moral compass who always points to logic and reason. And now that she's announced her intent to introduce a bill allowing teachers with concealed handgun licenses to bring guns to school, we now know where we stand: We stand right behind Riddle and her posse of pistol-packin' pedagogues.

Surprised? So were we, but the strength of Riddle's evidence-based argument is undeniable. Here's a sample: "There is a reason no shootings like this happen in Israel. As a grandmother of 10 - and 6 are in elementary school I far prefer their teachers being able to protect them if necessary."

The logic is so airtight; the writing so eloquent; the daring decision to forgo transitional sentences to amp up the emotional quotient so bold -- there is simply no way not to support Riddle's plan.

Riddle continues: "We will never be able to eliminate evil in the world and evil will always go for what they see are the best targets. It only took 3 min. for the young man in Newtown to murder all the children & teachers he killed."

We couldn't agree more: Evil really will go for what they think are the best targets. And what better way to protect dozens of children sitting in close proximity to each other -- in a single room -- than by keeping a loaded handgun nearby? We spent upwards of ten minutes thinking of other possible modes of security short of bringing guns into schools, but we came up blank. That's because no other solution exists.

If we previously had doubts about whether an art teacher could thwart the bloody rampage of a well-armed psychopath swathed in body armor by stepping out into the hallway and, dodging the hail of bullets Matrix-style, remain composed enough to take dead aim and put a hole through the perp's head with a single shot, thus making sure she didn't accidentally shoot any more children, then Riddle's opus erased those doubts. A lunatic with an assault rifle and a deathwish is simply no contest for Dirty Harry: Math Teacher.

If there's any fault in Riddle's plan, it's that she doesn't take things far enough. What if the next would-be killer has a grenade? Well, then, teachers need grenades, too. What they need is a full-on arsenal, stocked with everything from throwing stars to flamethrowers. A teacher could keep a loaded Glock in the top desk drawer and stash a Beretta behind the Bunsen burners. That's what they do in Israel.

Thank you, Congresswoman, for making it all so clear.

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13 comments
sebnest
sebnest

Obviously....Houston Press has never held or fired a gun!  A Math Teacher with a CDL, intent on protecting the little ones she teaches, will have a steady hand and WILL do what is necessary to fire off the necessary shot to the head.  The houston press's...mocking satire....implies teachers would not be able to stand against a hail of bullets......yet these Teachers DID stand in defense of their students and took bullets.....IF THEY HAD TIME TO STAND BETWEEN THE GUNMAN AND THEIR STUDENTS...... THEN THEY HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO GET OFF ONE OR MORE ROUNDS!!!

MadMac
MadMac

Like many teachers--I lasted two years. In that time I dealt with 15-yr-old FIFTH GRADERS threatening and ASSAULTING female (and some male) teachers. We had parents ASSAULTING teachers. They--kids and parents--stole laptops, anchored to desks. They stole purses, locked in desks. They stole CARS. Long story short, you don't want guns in school. Period.  

Anse
Anse

The rightwing is becoming completely demented. There's a perverse dimension to this obsession with violence. I don't think they really want to stop it. I think they revel in the fantasy of shooting a bad guy. There is not a single corner of society that can be disarmed now. A society like this will never have peace. 

Dudley_Dawson
Dudley_Dawson

What, if I may be so bold to ask, is the author's solution to this "problem"?

Eliot C. Hall
Eliot C. Hall

Teachers are over worked and under paid already. You want to assign them specialized para-military duties in addition to their teaching burden?

brightonbeach
brightonbeach

If we've learned anything from this blog over the past two years, it's this: many teachers do indeed have different sides of self outside the classroom. The challenge would be tapping into that alternate self quickly enough to become Arnold and foil an attack. It's rapid shape-shifting but I believe with Ms Riddle that it can be accomplished.

SillyCraig
SillyCraig

Did you copy and paste this from your diary?

Stanley Smith
Stanley Smith

What? You don't trust teachers with guns? Then why the hell do you trust them with your children?

MadMac
MadMac

Now, I'm no intellectual like Rick Perry but let's try an experiment. If more and more and more and more of something, oh let's call it guns, hasn't worked and less and less and less and less of something else, call it mental-health care hasn't worked, THEN what say--top-of-my-head idea here--we work on less of one (ex A: guns) and more of the other (ex B: mental-health care).  

robinspierre
robinspierre

@brightonbeach Brighton jokes obviously: if teachers shape shift frequently enough to molest students, have puppy mills and become robbers...well, we probably don't want them armed as well.

MadMac
MadMac

You questions amazes me. Do you honestly think parents in a state that ranks 47th in education really give a red rat's @ss about their kids?

Anse
Anse

You settle for so much less than what is possible: a society in which we don't have to be armed at all times. Only NRA nuts believe this is an impossible dream, while nations with a fraction of our gun violence struggle to understand this.

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