Zapruder Video Analysis Of Drunk, Racist Aggie Fan Starting A Fight In An Airport
In the wake of Texas A&M's landscape-changing 29-24 win over the Alabama Crimson Tide this weekend, with his fame escalating from "local cult hero" to "full fledged Heisman candidate," Johnny Manziel and his family began the process on trademarking his catchy "Johnny Football" moniker.
A bad cousin; every family has one
Their motivation is clear and commendable -- with several rogue "Johnny Football" T-shirts already in circulation, going forward, the family wants the ability to control the message, the image, and the profit on any "Johnny Football" related product.
Unfortunately, even once the Manziels get the trademark rights nailed down, they won't have any control over who wears "Johnny Football" gear.
Which brings us to possibly the most deplorable, obnoxious Aggie drunkenly stumbling the earth...
The video below was taken in the airport in New Orleans and involves a drunken Aggie (confirmed by several Aggies on Twitter that he is indeed a Class of '94 graduate) picking a fight with what appears to be a reasonable, sober, well dressed bystander, who happens to be African American.
According to the details on the original post of this video (courtesy of Deadspin), the melee below started over some spilled trail mix:
Johnny 'effing football flips out on the gate agent and this passenger tries to handle the situation. This all started over a bag of trail mix that the dude dumped on the counter and then refused to clean it up.
We don't get to see the actual spilling of the trail mix and the lead up to the fight, and that is frankly a bit of a shame. This video feels a little like you're jumping into the middle of a Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Roddy Piper match in 1984 and only hearing about Piper smacking Snuka upside the head with a coconut. It feels like a little something is missing. That said, things do escalate quickly...
0:02 -- Drunk Aggie Racist (heretofore referred to as "DAR") removes his far-too-tight fitting sport coat (which apparently is the race baiting, redneck version of Ric Flair's sequined ring robes) to reveal...well, more far-too-tight fitting shit -- a pair of jeans that look like they were swiped from a wiry seventh grade boy and a medium "JOHNNY FOOTBALL" T-shirt that doesn't come close to covering DAR's XL frame. Now, this is his 2012 ring attire, but many of you probably remember DAR when he fought under a white pillow case luchador mask as the Grand Wizard of the KKK.
0:03 -- Amazingly, in exactly four seconds, with two blatant n-bombs at the top of his lungs, DAR manages to rip the 2012 title of "Most Disgusting SEC Football Fan" from Brian Downing (the Alabama Teabagger), which Vegas had pretty much deemed impossible and taken off the board the second Downing's scrotum hit that LSU fan's face at the New Orleans Krystal Burger back in January. 2011 "Most Disgusting" winner Harvey Updike (the Auburn tree poisoner) is now left scrambling to rewrite his presentation speech at the College Football "Disgusting Fan" Awards show this season.
0:07 -- Immediately granted immunity to turn DAR's face into chopped hamburger under the "The second you are called a racial slur, you can kick a person's ass" rule, DAR's opponent (heretofore referred to as "The Truth," seems like a cool nickname for a guy who is the ultimate babyface of this viral video -- EVERYONE in this video wants him to kick DAR's ass. EVERYONE.) takes off his coat and begins deciding exactly which patch of surface area on DAR's face will receive a house call from his fist.
0:09 -- After the two n-bombs, DAR blurts out a one syllable growl which sounds like a gravelly, drunken spewing of the phrase "Sit down." "S'DOWWNNN..." DAR then gives The Truth double "permission to kick your ass" immunity by placing his hands on him and pushing both of his shoulders. Now, I'm no fighter, but if you're going to get in the first shot in a fight where every witness is going to place you as the instigator, you may want to come with more than a lame double shoulder push. Frankly, it wasn't even a push, it was more like a nudge. The nudge was like starting off the NBA Slam Dunk contest with a three foot floater.