Contessa Andrea Von Schmidt, Dwayne Gator Liggins: It's the Quarterly Strange (Accused) Criminal Name Report
As we head into what passes for fall down here, it's high time we came up with another list of the strangest, funniest and most awesome names to pass through the Harris County Criminal Justice Center over the last few months. (Or years. We stumbled on some older ones.)
As always, some of these people have yet to have their day in court, and if you see your name here and your case is dismissed, we will be more than happy to make a note of that in an update.
And away we go...
Jesus Christ Anthony Turner was busted for aggravated robbery; police say that Georgette Thou-Shalt Cooper didn't get the memo that thou shalt not open cans of whoop-ass, for she has a warrant for assault-bodily injury; and Christian Cross is on deferred adjudication for stealing a gun.
So those people did not live up to their inspirational names. After the jump, we have people who seem like they have succeeded all too well, famous namesakes, and a few that had us scratching our heads or gazing in open-mouthed wonder...
They Were Born to It
Police claim to have caught Jerry Garcia with a little weed, and James Alan Coker with a little blow, and that James Frey passed off two documents that were not what they appeared to be. (Checks in this case, not memoirs.) Pandora Johns was charged with prostitution for the seventh time.
Sports and Entertainment
Ricky Ricardo Flores has been convicted of assaulting a family member twice, and Desi Arnaz Whitfield was convicted of selling cocaine. (Lucille Ball has never been arrested here.) Fonzie Leon James's assault case was dismissed (Heeeeyyy!), subject to refiling, according to records. Vincent Price Jr. was convicted of robbery via threats (mwahahaha), Telly Savalis Lewis was charged with DWI, and we have a trio of Baseball Hall of Fame namesakes: Orlando Cepeda Smith was charged with possessing a dangerous drug, Roy Campanella Thomas was accused of writing bad checks, and Baytown police claim to have caught Willie Mays Smith swiping a jacket.
On the very same night in June, David Bowie and James Taylor reportedly evaded arrest.
Just Plain Awesomeness
Rocky Ray Rasberry stands accused of beating his girlfriend, Octavian-Davaunte LeJon DeBlanc awaits his day in court on a burglary charge, Dwayne Gator Liggins was convicted of swiping four pairs of shades, Contessa Andrea Von Schmidt has warrants for the less-than-regal offenses of burglary and trespassing, and last but not least, there's our favorite: Shawn Wayne Crunk, convicted of swiping some metal.
Those interested can read more at the links below:
Here is the Mega Matahari Edition. The Anal Exceus Edition is here, the Crystal Ann Shank Edition is here, click here for the Mondale Manley Esprit Edition, and here for the Passionett Dancer Edition. And here is our most recent effort -- the Prometheus Lamb / Edwardleo Crawfoot edition.