5 Sports Figures Who Follow Absolutely Nobody on Twitter and Why

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We won't return the favor, fwiw.
Someday, if they ever come up with a graduate degree in social-media forensics, I'm going back to school and getting my PhD because I am of a firm belief that you can learn a lot about a person by the way they utilize and conduct themselves on Twitter.

For example, if you have, say, 4,359 followers but you had to follow 4,133 people to get there, there's a very good chance you have some sort of separation anxiety and almost definitively have some daddy issues. (Also, Facebook is probably better for you, where the relationship MUST be mutual.)

If you have tweeted, say, 34,780 times (looking right at you, mirror!) in less than three years, you probably have a desperate need to be the center of attention and, at the very least, cannot shut the fuck up. (May I suggest online chat rooms instead?)

And then there are the truly special members of the Twitterverse, those that sit on high and regale us with their wisdom while paying nary a nanosecond of attention to our input.

They are the few, the proud:

They are the people who follow nobody. And I'm not talking about those pornbots with avatars of steamy college coeds trying to coerce you into pre-ordering an iPhone 5 with zero followers and who follow nobody. (How do they find me then??? Um..yeah..)

I'm talking about highly visible, public figures who have thousands, sometimes millions of people who follow them, and they have zero interest in what anyone has to say. Whether I feel insulted or stand in awe of these indifferent giants of social media would probably boil down to finding out why they follow no one.

The fact of the matter is we don't know, but I can put me faux Twitter forensics degree to work and try to figure it out, using the five most prominent sports figures who follow exactly zero people on Twitter.

Class is now in session:

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5. WADE PHILLIPS (@sonofbum)
Occupation: Houston Texans defensive coordinator
Followers: 21,342
Following: 0
Tweets: 320
Twitter Usage Overview: Benign updates of mundane things going on in the building over at Kirby, like team meetings and film sessions. Also, Wade is a big fan of tweeting #BullsOnParade. He enjoys that, like an eight-year-old with a new toy.
Sample Tweet:


Likely Reason Wade Phillips Follows Nobody: Wade is so folksy, I honestly think he doesn't want to follow people on Twitter because if he follows, say, ten people, then the other 499,999,990 will feel left out.


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4. LES MILES (@LSUCoachMiles)
Occupation: LSU head football coach
Followers: 77,444
Following: 0
Tweets: 496
Twitter Usage Overview: By and large, Miles uses Twitter to promote big events related to his football program and congratulate some of his peers and other universities. Spelling is sometimes optional.
Sample Tweet:


Also, there's a decent chance Les Miles is still trying to figure out hashtags...


Likely Reason Les Miles Follows Nobody: Honestly, there's a decent chance that Les Miles has no idea he's allowed to follow people on Twitter.

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