Forget Reagan's Blood: 5 Other Presidential Fluids That Should Be Auctioned

rrblood.jpg
Blood for sale.
A European auction company says it plans to sell a vial of Ronald Reagan's blood, taken on the day of his attempted assassination.

While any number of Republicans might like to own the fetishistic object in order to aid their rituals which banish from memory all the things Reagan did that meant he couldn't win a GOP primary today, we think it's a little weird.

But if Presidential body fluids are going to be a marketable thing, why stop at blood?

These five items should also be available for purchase.

5. Andrew Jackson's saliva
Jackson was a courier in the Revolutionary War and became the only president to have ever been a prisoner of war. During his captivity, a (suitably pompous, we assume) British general told him to spit-shine his boots.

Jackson told him no in a very colorful way, and ended up with lifelong scars on his arms and face.

4. William Henry Harrison's phlegm
The hero of Tippecanoe was elected president in 1840, and Inauguration Day 1841 was cold and wet. Harrison went all Bowie Kuhn and didn't wear a topcoat. He also went on to deliver the longest-ever inaugural address (two hours), then appeared in the parade.

A month later, he died from pneumonia.

3. Bill Clinton's jism
Hey, you knew that one was coming. So did he. Although he could have had better aim, in terms of leaving evidence.

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4 comments
Rich Connelly
Rich Connelly

 HOUSTON -- Police have issued an APB for the notorious mind criminal who is forcing Can't Get Enough Lists to read listicles. He is considered armed and dangerous, as opposed to Can't Get Enough Lists, who is simply considered tiresome.

Gentian
Gentian

You go USA1, Ho-Hum, Can't Get Enough Lists, etc!!

Keep reading these lists and typing out a response, while fidgeting around in your closet office awaiting your next delivery of cleaning supplies. Meanwhile, dirt and grime is accumulating somewhere, keeping you somewhat employed, if not happily employed. 

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